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drinking

I mean, you’re still drinking wine right? Oh wait, that’s a bottle of moonshine you made in a dumpster. My mistake!

Product Page ($15 via 7Gadgets)

If you’re going to binge on whiskey, why not put the source of your drinking on the shot glass itself? All those hours spent playing ancient Atari games without a shred of progress kicking Asteroid ass could drive anyone to drink. If you prefer to drown your gaming sorrows in some other type of liquid, you can always use these.

Product Page: ($16.99 via Technabob)

Let your friends and family know that their meal was made with love when you add a dash of sweet sugar and stir vigorously with your nutsack. Well, a heart spoon that looks like a nutsack anyway.

Product Page ($7)

performance book caddy

Why not throw in drinking while you’re at it? And helmets are for little girls. Amazingly enough, this reading caddy isn’t just for stationary bikes. The product page claims that it “mounts in seconds to virtually any road, mountain or stationary bike” and that it helps you to read and train at the same time. All of the danger and stupidity aside, how would you expect a book or magazine to stay on that thing during a turn?

Product Page ($15 via TRFJ)

drunk-sign-language-flask

When it comes to your desire to get drunk, you don’t want anything to stand in the way. This flask includes the signing required to let you communicate your drinking needs to the hearing impaired. You cannot take too many precautions to be sure you are able to get completely wasted.

Product Page ($18)

polluted

That nasty crap that you drink to intoxicate yourself will be perfectly served up in this Polluted Glass. You can feel like an experimenting scientist when you down one radioactive drink after another while others fear even getting near it. Each box contains two glasses so you can share your drinking secrets with a deserving buddy.

Product Page (TBA)

squeeze-n-shoot

No need to worry about whether that New Years Eve party you are attending is going to have liquor on hand. Fill this flask up with your favorite liquor, give the bottle a squeeze and take the shot from the cap/shot glass. Use the leash to keep it close to you and away from all those other thirsty lushes.

Product Page ($8.95)

spam shot glass

And you thought vomit tasted bad before! Please drink Spam shots responsibly.

Product Page ($6)

faces-bar-set

No need to be the sad person sitting home drinking by themselves. You can pretend you have friends and are in a social situation with this Faces Bar Set. Instead of being one step away from becoming an anonymous group member you can now practice your conversational skills with a set of happy faced items that don’t interrupt and are always attentive.

Product Page ($123.75)

traffic-light-alarm-clock

The lights and sounds of a busy intersection are enough to scare you in the middle of the day, use that same adrenalin rush to wake you up first thing in the morning. The blaring music, screeching tires and honking horns of this alarm clock will be your penalty for staying out late drinking the night before.

Product Page ($29.80)