Want to extract germs and bits of God knows what from a waterfall of slimy puppy ooze? Well, apparently someone does, otherwise this “shocking sick puppy” game wouldn’t exist. The goal is to extract more bits than your opponent without letting the metal part of your tweezers touch the slime, or else you’ll get buzzed and lose a turn. Plus, once the game ends you can enhance the atmosphere of your home by displaying your new plastic buddy who drools and has a permanent dribble of snot peering out one nostril. Thanks, Japan!
Product Page: ($50)
Apparently German designer Karl Lagerfeld was able to put down his iPod collection long enough to dress this Steiff teddy bear like a eurotrash secret service agent. Your $1,500 investment gets you this 14.5″H bear with jointed limbs, crystal-studded tie and belt buckle, tailor-made leather boots and miniature sunglasses designed after Karl’s own shades. You’ll also get a scribble of the bear drawn and signed by Lagerfeld, and the satisfaction of knowing that you’re also indirectly supporting the fine people of Apple Computers.
Product Page: ($1,500)
Want to add some excitement to outings on your beloved Schwinn? Look no further than this dual exhaust kickstand made from aircraft grade aluminum. Throw in some rub on tattoos, a German spike helmet and a leather clad bitch to ride the back seat, and you’ll be ready to feel speeds up to 13 mph on the open road.
Product Page: ($39.95)
You know you’re an important person in German history when you are given the same recognition as beer. Albert Einstein has reached that level of respect and admiration with this limited edition commemorative stein. But if you want to use it to get wasted at the next Oktoberfest you’d better act quickly because they are limited to only 3,000 pieces.
Product Page: ($149.50)
The “Use This” toothbrush holder let’s people know you are not screwing around when it comes to germs.
Product Page ($12)
I can’t stand gas stations that don’t have pump levers that can be pinned into position. I also shudder at the thought of what kind of horrible germs could be lurking on pump handles in general. The Gas Gripper claims to solve both these problems by latching around the lever so you don’t have to. It even stores neatly around your cap for added convenience. Now that sounds like a product a hypochondriac can trust.
Product Page ($5)
I have no idea what some people are doing in the shower that it takes them more than ten minutes to clean themselves off. I do know that having this shower curtain is not only not going to reduce their time in the shower, but it may exacerbate the problem. The shower curtain has French, German and Italian to English translations. Pick one up before your next European tour and maybe you will learn enough to find out where the bars and bathrooms are. Just the necessities, of course.
Product Page ($26)
Why have people touch your actual finger to play the “pull my finger” game? Everyone knows how it ends. All you get by using your own finger is the germs from someone else’s hand. And I highly doubt that your sound effects are as good as those that this hand can emit.
Fart jokes are understood by people of all ages, and enjoyed by men boys of all ages.
Product Page ($3.95)
The headline may be a bit misleading. True, but an apt description for what you can do with the Clever Collar. It is a simple but useful little product. A round light with three LED’s that has a hole in it so you can slip it on pretty much any screwdriver. I suppose the fact that the light itself may obscure your vision is not germane to a discussion of it’s usefulness.
Product Page ($14.95)
For many of us, cold and flu season is right around the corner – which means the hypochondriacs will be out bitching in full-force. Thanks to this Flu-Suit Kit, germaphobes can feel safe and secure. The kit includes: coveralls, face mask, eye shield, shoe covers, and a pair of disposable gloves. It also doubles as an inexpensive Halloween costume.
Product Page ($9.99)
