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Sorry, I don’t think little strips of toilet paper will stop the bleeding on a severed jugular. But I’ll be dammed if shaving with a butterfly knife straight razor isn’t masculine. In fact, the only way you could get more rugged is with a chainsaw, or maybe burning off that beard with a flamethrower. But I digress.
Fortunately for everyone, this is only a concept.
The teeth of a crocodile may be incredibly sharp but this bread knife uses the body and tail as the cutting blade. That just means that you have to grab this knife by the mouth of the crocodile. That may not be the safest way to handle a crocodile but it is a great way to cut bread.
Product Page ($32 coming in March)
As promised, here is the sequel to yesterday’s installment of Nerd Approved’s Stupidest Products of 2009. This section concludes the series with categories like Household, Booze, Things That Could Kill You, Alarm Clocks, Lego, USB, Toys and Micellany. Have a great new year!
From Fashionably Geek: There have been other takes on the Batman Utility Belt in the past, but few are as finely crafted as this version from JLA. Unfortunately, there are no grappling hooks or bat-shaped throwing stars in those leather pouches, which makes it hard to justify spending $280 on. Plus, they claim that it is only “a prop replica only and not meant to be worn.” Please—if I’m spending that much on a belt, I’m going to wear it even in the most inappropriate situations. Situations like: with a suit at work, or when I’m naked and ready for some sexy time with my lady. When she protests, I will simply say: “I’m the Batman.”
Product Page ($280/June pre-order)
The food hogs at your dinner table will need to learn how to duel when you come to the table with these flintlock handled utensils. They will have to decide whether that extra piece of steak is worth a possible bullet wound.
Product Page ($95)
You can use this shoe horn with a knife handle on it to slip your shoes on or you could use it to cut your golf buddy’s Achilles tendon. As Bill Murray pointed out, without being able to get his weight back onto his left side he will push everything right. That could save you a lot of money on your Saturday morning golf game.
Product Page ($25)
The Voodoo Pen Holder is not quite as frightening as the Voodoo Knife Holder, but you may have a tough time convincing your HR rep that you have a good reason to keep a set of sharp knives in your cube. Even without the knives, this Voodoo holder should give anyone who is thinking about stealing a pen good reason to prey on someone other than you. Whether they are afraid of a possible Voodoo curse or the mental image of a pen through their head gives them the idea you get violent if your stuff gets stolen, it should push potential thieves to look elsewhere in their search for a proper victim. The holder comes complete with six pens and the stab wounds to hold them.
Product Page ($59.59)
This Five Finger Fillet Knife set has everything you need for a kitchen knife game. The storage block is shaped like a log and the hand on top will give you a good way to practice your knife skills without putting your delicate fingers at risk. With this knife set containing five knives and there only being four spaces between the fingers, that last knife is bound to catch some piece of flesh.
Product Page ($112)
In order to prove that silverware can do more than stab, scoop and cut food, the utensil trio of forks, spoons and knives are on a quest to expand their resume and legendary status by taking on other jobs around the kitchen. First up: wall hooks. Sounds like a long shot, but I’d still give this better odds than Paris Hilton or Ashlee Simpson becoming legitimate “singers”.
Product Page: ($10 each)
If you are going to ride a motorcycle then you really need to ride a Harley if you want to be a tough guy. If you want to be a tough guy with a knife, it appears you have to have a Harley as well. It features a working LED headlight that is activated by a switch on the seat—giving you a better view of the hippie you just stabbed.
Product Page ($7.99)
