The Blood Energy Potion was okay tasting, but it falls a bit short if you crave human meat. That problem has been remedied with this bleeding heart gummy candy from Think Geek. Inside each heart is squishy candies full of liquid blood and, for good measure, they have also included a separate vial of blood if things just aren’t messy enough. I suppose it goes without saying, but you should probably wear a bib or a smock when you tear into one of these. Better yet, just stand naked in the bathtub.
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You remember the infamous bacon tuxedo right? The image above has made the rounds on several different products, none of them more baffling than this 500 piece puzzle. It’s only $10 if you think you can handle it.
However, if that’s not enough meat puzzle for you, step up to Sunrise in Meatopia and fantasize about lying in a sausage canoe, lazily floating down a river of gravy with the hot sun cooking the Meatopian landscape to crispy perfection.
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People may generally worry that you impaled your ex with 10 stainless steel skewers, but if there are some tasty meatballs on the snack tray, the ex won’t be paid a whit of attention. It may be a bit on the pricey side, but money is no object when it comes to torturing your ex.
Product Page ($69.99)
While the head from the animal you just took down in your hunting adventure is out being mounted you can use this game trophy shaped cutting board to slice up its freshly cooked meat. You may not be able to mount that tasty loin, but you can certainly admire it while it is being carved.
Product Page ($44.10)
I’ve seen kitchen scales with clock functions before, but none were as elegant as this wall-mountable version. When you have flour, meat or weed to measure out, just take it off the wall and lay it flat on the counter. Measures in both grams and ounces.
Product Page (£25 or $41)
Thanks to high school proms and sitcom dream sequences, fog machines have lost much of their terror-inducing effectiveness. However, you can still nip that f’er in the bud by adding some “Creepy Crypt” or “Moldy Morgue” scents which will apparently restore the Halloween vibe by making your fog smell like a corpse. It should be an improvement over the smell of rotting food and sweat that currently permeates your digs.
Product Page: ($7.99)
If the red cow from that famous energy drink cannot get your blood pressure going, maybe some aliens can. If the only way to get yourself moving beyond a snail’s pace is to eat what the aliens are offering, then just a couple bucks and some other worldly mystery meat is all it takes .
Product Page ($8)
