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Did you get the memo about the T&A reports? It’s just that we are putting a boob note or an ass note on all of our T&A reports now. A boob note if it’s a T report and a butt note if it’s an A. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that’d be great.
Yeah, you can control the temperature of waterbeds too—but the ’70s were a long time ago my friends. Surprisingly, it took this long for someone to develop a practical mattress with temperature control. If you are into the cool side of the pillow, that’s no problem since the mattress has a low temp of 48 degrees Fahrenheit. If you are perpetually chilly at night, crank that thing up to a max of 118 degrees.
Yeah, it has memory all right…terrifying memories that will keep you up at night. I recall seeing someone develop a computer mouse out of an actual mouse before, but this one is even creepier with red LED eyes that light up with each data transfer.
This dry-wipe ceramic Postcard Memo Pad is both fun and Earth friendly. Plus, your friends will appreciate any post card from Boozeville that invites you to partake in a drink or two. By the way, in this case “XXX” doesn’t mean “hugs.” It’s just a subtle hint that the reader should get some moonshine too…or porn.
Product Page ($16, pre-order for March 4 availability)
The guys that brought you Roast My Weenie and the Weenie Wing Commander are back with the Samurai Roaster. The samurai this grilling tool was modeled after was a fearsome ancient warrior. As skilled with his shaft as he was with a blade, the legend of his sexual prowess was known across the land. Unfortunately, he met a tragic end when, during battle, he accidentally stepped on his manhood—falling onto his own sai. You honor his memory every time you skewer a hot dog on his member and cook it over a grill.
Product Page ($20)
As you can see, this is not exactly the same sort of Indiana Jones Mola Ram action figure you might find at your local toy store. It isn’t priced like it either. Of course, for $300 you get a super-detailed 28-inch piece of art.
As if you needed another sign that society is headed in the wrong direction, take the stupid products people spend their money on. Every year they get stupider and stupider, but we are right there to spend our hard earned dollar. Why? Because poop never stops being funny and it’s hard to resist a “limited edition.” So, without further ado, here is Part I of the epic master list of the stupidest products of 2009.
Just because you have to take time out of your day to clean up in the shower does not mean you need to be any less productive there. Inspiration can strike any time and the Aqua Notes notepad will be sure you have a way to document those million dollar ideas before they are lost in the bowels of your feeble mind. Useful anywhere you need to make notes but where a normal notepad might turn to mush.
Product Page ($9.48)
This White Collar Office Guy will sit on your desk and hold your pen in one hand while he keeps all your business cards organized in his oversized briefcase. See how long you can stand him being around, between always being to work early and wearing a tie he may make you look bad in comparison.
Product Page ($3.44)
Not on the moon mind you—at the bar. This ceramic and pewter space stein commemorates the Apollo 11 mission to the moon with highly detailed reliefs. I’m sure it would be a pleasure to drink out of, but I would hesitate to buy anything from a website that still looks like it was made in the early ’90s.
