The Blood Energy Potion was okay tasting, but it falls a bit short if you crave human meat. That problem has been remedied with this bleeding heart gummy candy from Think Geek. Inside each heart is squishy candies full of liquid blood and, for good measure, they have also included a separate vial of blood if things just aren’t messy enough. I suppose it goes without saying, but you should probably wear a bib or a smock when you tear into one of these. Better yet, just stand naked in the bathtub.
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These Kewpie doll cellphone strap decorations serve no purpose, but will strike the perfect cute/badass balance and give you a pretty good idea of what it would look like if the characters from “Love Is…” decided to open a biker bar.
Product Page: (￥1,500 or about $16 via Tokyomango)
From Fashionably Geek: There have been other takes on the Batman Utility Belt in the past, but few are as finely crafted as this version from JLA. Unfortunately, there are no grappling hooks or bat-shaped throwing stars in those leather pouches, which makes it hard to justify spending $280 on. Plus, they claim that it is only “a prop replica only and not meant to be worn.” Please—if I’m spending that much on a belt, I’m going to wear it even in the most inappropriate situations. Situations like: with a suit at work, or when I’m naked and ready for some sexy time with my lady. When she protests, I will simply say: “I’m the Batman.”
Product Page ($280/June pre-order)
Oooh…let Top Gear’s Stig drive all over your naked body with his very own line of bath products. Comes in body wash and soap on a rope varieties. I’m not sure what the soap smells like, but if I had to guess, it would be “burning tires.” The body wash version is available after the break.
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This Drinking Gringos Game will work as a drinking game, a substitute for spin the bottle or a different version of strip poker. Just push El Loco’s head down and he will spin around while some Mexican music plays. When his head pops up, whoever he is pointing those pistols at will have to drink, kiss or remove an article of clothing depending on what game you are playing. It won’t take long until you are drunk, making out or naked. Since there will likely be drinking in any case, the kit includes four shooter glasses.
Product Page ($44.95)
If I ever become absurdly wealthy, I plan to let myself sink into eccentricy. This will be my doormat—and I’ll back it up by answering the door wearing nothing but a sombrero and a bandolier.
Product Page ($25)
Nothing like a couple of your appendages to make a lamp that will light your hallway. The right hand holds the bulb and the left hand shades the glare of that naked bulb. Maybe they will come up with a fixture made of feet just to even things out.
Product Page ($65)
For those who’s immaturity and perversion knows no bounds, there are these handy naked man and woman hanger hooks.
Product Page ($3)
