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If you need to keep certain papers from being mysteriously blown off your desk, then a paperweight is required. And nothing like using a tablet that was the key to scientists being able to decipher hieroglyphics. It makes you look like a learned person without you really having to know a damn thing.
Product Page ($10)
These Pig Roundworm Paperweights will not only use their weight to hold down those important papers, but their gross appearance will keep people from touching them as well. There is no need to actually touch the worms, they are encased in a clear acrylic to make for a unique addition to your desk. And if you were worried about any pain the worms may have felt, the site is sure to point out that “All roundworms used are already dead prior to being preserved”. I know I can sleep better at night knowing these Roundworms felt no pain as they were turned into a desk accessory.
Product Page (£7.56, about $12)
Getting ready to join a lodge? You’ll fit right in when you take your shots out of a glass that has a pewter animal head attached to it. You can choose from a Bull, Bear, Moose, Deer or Rhinoceros that will balance on their nose, ears and horns when flipped. The product page says they can also be used as candle holders, paperweights or simply decoration. No doubt putting a vanilla scented candle in one of these babies will distract you from the wood paneled walls, stains and darkness that define the lodge experience.
Product Page: ($32)
If that rock is heavy enough to crush this guy to within an inch of his life, then it is plenty heavy enough to hold a couple of papers on your desk. The guy is probably not happy about it, but that rock seems to be enjoying himself.
Problem Page ($10.85 AU, about $7)
If you wonder whether these little puppies will act as decent paperweights, the answer is yes. If you wonder if every cute girl in your office will just love these things and stop at your desk a lot more frequently, the answer is again yes. Is there really any reason to look for more reasons why you need a few of these? Just mix up the breeds you get to attract as much fawning attention as possible.
Product Page ($9.50)
This may just be a paper weight, but it has enough Indiana Jones paraphernalia to keep the most avid fan amused. Every crate has a magnetic whip and fedora as well as a removable lid and rubber snakes. There are three random collections you can receive: the Golden Idol and Well of Souls hieroglyphics Tablet, the Sankara Stones and Holy Grail Cup or the Crystal Skull. No other desk accessory is going to let you play the adventurer like this one.
Product Page ($32.99)
Here are the top ten Nerd Approved Gadgets for the week of April 21st—27th 2008:
Fantasy Wrist Support: Keep that wrist strong. After all, your porn isn’t going to masturbate to itself.
Mullet Power Card Game: Their can be only one ultimate hick.
Dog Balloons: Take your floating wiener dog for a walk.
Guitar Toilet Handle: Pinch a loaf of rock.
“All Grown Up” Alarm Clock: Time’s a’ wastin.
The next five gadgets are available after the break…
We thought the Kangaroo nutsack pouches were bad, but a paperweight featuring a steaming loaf pinched by a young Tasmanian devil really takes the cake. I don’t know what the hell is going on in Australia, but their novelty gift industry is seriously f*cked up. Speaking of that, if you ever thought your job sucked, imagine being the guy who has to put these things together (hit the jump to see an image of the paperweight manufacturing process). Also available in Koala Bear and Kangaroo varieties.
Marvel at the fine craftsmanship and the versatility of this Penis Pencil Sharpener. Convenient pee-hole pencil insertion insures a sharp point every time. And with the shavings collecting neatly in the nutsack, clean up is a snap. Plus, it doubles as a paperweight. A must have for any office.
Product Page ($4.83)
For the ladies, you know who is in charge when it comes to the relationship. So why not give the man one day to think that he actually is the boss. This solid pewter paperweight showing a woman worshiping, supposedly at the feet of her man, is something he can take to the office and make himself feel better all year round. The included note, ‘I worship the ground you walk on’, will complete the farce.
Product Page ($55)
