If you were looking for a towel with less penis and more boob, a Tokyomango reader spotted one on street in Japan. Finally, something more useful than that special sock you have hidden under you bed.
(Tokyomango via Albotas)
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Ever since we first came across the Gaydar, Dickdar and Virgin Detector keychains, I couldn’t help but wonder how accurate these things really are. To find out, I used myself as a guinea pig and ran a simple test.
Judging from the product description, it’s obvious that nobody wanted to fess up to the fact that they’re selling a gas lighter that looks a lot like a phallus. However, it will come in handy if you want to produce a public awareness ad focused on preventing promiscuous sex. All you have to do is take this lighter and say “This is your penis” then set it ablaze and say “This is your penis on the clap….Any questions?”
Product Page: ($24)
A perfect companion to the Gaydar detector keychain, Dickdar claims to size up a subject with their pants on. Just point and shoot—the Dickdar will analyze the “data” and respond with one of three phrases:
- “That penis is a weapon of mass destruction”
- “Um”…Hung like a field mouse”
- “Mmm…Short & thick will do the trick”.
Too bad it doesn’t feature a “No penis detected” response. That would come in handy when confronted with prostitutes of a questionable gender.
Product Page (£7 or $11)
If you gagged watching Andrew Zimmern eat weird shit like jellied moose nose and bull penis on that “Bizarre Foods” show, then grab a bucket and prepare for Weasel Puke Coffee. This “gourmet treat” from Vietnam is made from coffee beans eaten, then thrown up by local Vietnamese weasels. The vomited beans are then lightly roasted, where the stomach acids apparently wear away the bitterness of the bean, and volia! Weasel Puke Coffee is born, “delicious and smooth” and with “a rich chocolaty flavor”…all courtesy of puke.
Product Page: ($24.99)
Dave: Open the fridge door HAL.
HAL 9000: I’m sorry Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Dave: What’s the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is. You’re fat Dave…and you disgust me. Can you see your penis Dave? Yeah…no more cake for you.
Product Page (£3.50 or $6)
It appears that the folks at Scandalous Inventions are planning to expand on their empire of boobie beer bongs to include a few new objects that will surely get college kids and managers at Spencer’s Gifts giddy with excitement. The “Johnson Juicer” (illustrated by Wolverine here) shoots measured shots out of a dual chambered dong bong. Awesome right? But there is more…oh so much more pictured after the break.
You may never be able to use your penis as a weapon or maintain a 50 to 200 year erection, but Duster D can. These planters are made from scratch, stand 12” tall and also have customizable hair and beard color, clothing, and even tattoos. You can turn Duster D into a stallion with a wang several feet long, or subject him to a life of shame with a pecker that’s less than an inch, all depending on the type of cactus you use. So increase your self-esteem or one-up nature, the choice is yours.
Product Page (From $29.99)
Chances are, the high seas have never played host to a pirate like this, but now you can lay waste to history’s nasty stereotypes with this 76” tall lady pirate. She’s clean, parrotless, possesses both eyeballs and both legs, and probably sports a full set of teeth. She will also gladly accept your empty beer cans without killing you. So, if you’ve ever wondered what a Hooters waitress would have looked like in the 18th century, or if you’ve ever wanted to know what its like to objectify a woman that is totally out of your league without being laughed at, ignored, or having a tiny penis remark thrown in your face, then the standing pirate lady is for you.
Product Page ($999.99)
“Who’s Naked” puts a perverted spin on the classic game of “Guess Who” by expanding the pool of characteristics that players can utilize to determine their opponents character. In other words, pubes, boobs and penises FTW.
Product Page ($40)
