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ping-pong-hand-mirror

This ping pong paddle will help you make sure you are looking your best while annihilating the competition. Made from a real paddle, the rubber on one side has been replaced with an acrylic mirror. Also useful to direct light into your opponent’s eyes at a critical point in the game.

Product Page (£46.00, about $76)

stag toothbrush holderJust because you aren’t into hunting doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the functional and space saving advantages offered up by a severed deer head. When you have this stag suction cupped to your mirror offering eight points of toothbrush storage and a mouth with an easily accessible tube of Colgate, you’ll understand a hunter’s true motivation.

Product Page: ($8.99)

fridge-locker

If you want to bring good food or drinks into your office and not have them stolen then this Fridge Locker is what you need. Just set it in your office refrigerator, lock it up and your thieving bastards of co-workers will have to find their own goodies. Its portability is both a blessing and a curse: it allows you to use it at home to keep your last beer safe, but it also means that while people cannot steal what is inside the locker, they can steal the whole damn thing and spend their time breaking in.

Product Page ($20)

sproutletThese sproutlets will do two things for you. First they will allow you to enjoy Chia Pet-style gardening without the depressing grandma edge that came from commercials that had a $4 budget, ran during “Wheel of Fortune” and ended with the phrase “Available at Walgreens, Rite Aid, and other fine stores”. Secondly, you’ll have a fake duck giving you a perpetual look of gratification, as if to thank you for slowly and masterfully harvesting him a head of Vanilla Ice hair…Right On.

Product Page: ($5.99)

keys phone wallet rugThis 2 x 3 phone, keys, wallet rug will help you remember the holy trinity of items you’re supposed to have in your possession before you walk out the door. Remembering now will prevent a heated “where were you when I needed you?” conversation with these items later on.

Product Page: ($18)

mr tie mousepad

Maybe it’s time Mr. Tie here invested in some neckware that is a little more manageable—like a bolo tie or a cravat. Even those fashion disasters don’t look this bad.

Product Page ($15)

optical illusion salt and pepper

These shakers appear to be standing up but they are actually lying down. It’s an illllluuuusion. Apparently, the base also has a magnetized back so that you can stick it up on your fridge. Condiments have never been so mind blowing.

Product Page ($25)

Sled-Coffee-Table-2

A sled as a coffee table in your living room is going to leave tracks on your carpet, so why not get this set that includes a snow white carpet with sled marks already built into it? That small detail will give an outdoor feel to your living room, though it may also give kids the idea that dragging it around the living room is perfectly okay.

Product Page (£645, about $1,054)

gnome-be-gone-business-card-holder

Fred Conlon’s Gnome Be Gone statues have been protecting your gardens and wine, now he is making that same level of protection available to your cubicle. And being an ever vigilant sentry is not his only duty, he will also hold your business cards and a single pen/pencil. Just beware those razor sharp teeth when putting your fingers anywhere near him, I somewhat doubt this guy is OSHA approved.

Product Page ($69.99)

finicky feeder dog bowl

Much like your parents would offer dessert as a reward for eating your vegetables, the finicky feeder dog bowl trains pets to eat their entire meal by rewarding them with a snack concealed in a chamber at the bottom of the bowl. Rewarding eating with more eating. This is why all of us are so fat.

Product Page ($12-$15)