One of the real-life inspirations behind Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Vlad “The Impaler” has taught us all a very important lesson. Murder enough people and you might get a high-end action figure of your own 500-600 years later.
Vlad Dracula’s terrible reign in Wallachia began in 1456, when the Romanian nobleman escaped years of captivity with the Turks to reclaim his father’s throne. He gained a sinister reputation for his harsh punishments, treating the offenses of beggars and common trespassers the same as armed military enemies. Soon, he had earned the nickname Vlad the Impaler for his favorite means of execution: suspending victims on sharpened stakes set into the ground, leaving them to die painfully and slowly. His name becoming synonymous with blood and terror, Vlad the Impaler’s vicious and unforgiving tactics are said to have been the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s legendary vampire Count Dracula.
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If you want to track down some geriatric vampires, break out your “Cold Blooded” ice trays. Simply walk around with these icy toofers in your beverage and wait for people to ask where you were able to find “Fang Efferdent”… Bingo. Additional ice weirdness is pictured after the break.
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No one will know whether these hammer shaped coat hooks were placed into the wall on purpose or just a result of your hitting your thumb one too many times. In the end it makes no real difference, those hammers that are stuck in the wall are positioned perfectly to accept any manner of hanging goods.
Product Page (£12.00, about $19)
It is a battle for supremacy in the underworld when the vampires take on the mummies in a checkers death match. I would have to give the edge to the mummies, I am not sure the threat of someone sucking its blood puts much fear into a mummy.
Product Page ($100)
Nothing will pick your energy level up like an IV bag full of blood. While this blood potion has the look and consistency of blood, it is full of iron, proteins and electrolytes to give you an energy boost for up to 4 hours. Satisfy the vampire in you by getting a 48 pack of these as soon as they are released.
Product Page ($191.52 for 48, available Jan 2010)
The “Personal Hammer and Stake” is a bizarre wooden creation from the folks at WoodMarvels. Made up of several thin layers of plywood and personalized for the user, this hammer and stake set can be mounted close by in case of a vampire emergency.
Product Page ($45 ready-made or $2 for the blueprint)
If you want to pit two groups of people in a chess battle, there are none so vicious as vampires and werewolves. Both are feared by humans and both have a strong dislike for each other. The whole theme is like a game of the “Underworld” movies, although sadly I don’t see Kate Beckinsale anywhere.
Product Page ($19.99)
Next time a vampire shows up to suck your blood, be prepared with this Roman Catholic approved Vampire Hunters Kit. You’ll sleep easier knowing that you have some holy water and some unblessed Eucharist wafers nearby in case you need to take that bastard down in the middle of the night. However, you novice vampire hunters may find yourselves S.O.L. if you can’t read the Romanian killing instructions.
Product Page ($85)
