If expressing your love with a bouquet of flowers isn’t appropriate for an “unconventional” relationship like yours, try the Love Rat Pair.
These realistically sized soft vinyl rats are painted with hearts and feature long fleshy tails. They also come with illustrated heart shaped tags around their necks with space for a personalized message. Something like “When I’m with you, it is as if I was struck by the plague” perhaps?
Product Page ( $6)