
Did you watch It’s Alway’s Sunny In Philadelphia yesterday? If so, you may have noticed the gang’s unique ideas for merchandising Paddy’s Pub. Well, maybe the “shot” gun wasn’t all that original, but the Dick Towel…good friggin’ Lord, the Dick Towel was hilarious. Not surprisingly, I found out you can actually dry off with this perverted piece of Americana for only $20! Still not convinced that you absolutely need this? Check out the hilarious video after the break (NSFW).
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These sproutlets will do two things for you. First they will allow you to enjoy Chia Pet-style gardening without the depressing grandma edge that came from commercials that had a $4 budget, ran during “Wheel of Fortune” and ended with the phrase “Available at Walgreens, Rite Aid, and other fine stores”. Secondly, you’ll have a fake duck giving you a perpetual look of gratification, as if to thank you for slowly and masterfully harvesting him a head of Vanilla Ice hair…Right On.
Product Page: ($5.99)
Ever wonder how creatures of the sea entertain themselves when they’re not exploring shipwrecks or attacking swimmers? They tickle each other for hours on end. Not only that, this magnet of ambiguous scientific accuracy also reveals that whales laugh through their blowholes…Who knew?
Product Page: (Currently Sold Out)

The person who enjoys eating brains is someone you definitely don’t want to be sitting next to the day he forgets to bring his lunch. Additional bizarre, funny, and one incredibly dated design are pictured after the break.
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These spit balls expand up to 200x their original size—and they can “slip, slide and bounce until they explode on target.” Described as “slimy science with polymers”, this is supposed to be an educational experience. No, really.
Product Page ($5)

If you saw our post on the Blood Energy Drink, you probably wondered what it tasted like. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t taste like blood—unless you bit the neck of a dude embalmed with Capri Sun. That’s right, it’s fruit punch flavor. However, I did notice that the consistency was more syrupy than a traditional fruit punch drink, a little thinner than actual blood, but the effect is there.
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Since we still have a day to squeeze in those last few Halloween related products, here’s a skull chair, spine lamp and what appears to be a brain ottoman, which must have been removed from the skull in order to make way for ass. I guess it could also be an intestine cube, but who cares? Either way you’ll have a place to put your feet up.
Product Page: (Availability Unknown)

Forget water or Gatorade, a true athlete knows that the best way to stay hydrated is to bring a bottle full of bacon squeezins, pickle brine or robot monkey banana juice to the gym. It gives you the energy you need to really achieve that slim and trim figure you always wanted (and all of that puking doesn’t hurt either). A gallery of these unique stainless steel bottles is available after the break.
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