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avengers age of ultron

Every year summer movie season gets pushed earlier and earlier. Last year it kicked off on April 4th with Captain America: The Winter Soldier; this year it roars into theatres with Furious 7 on April 3rd. Eventually studios will lap themselves, effectively leading to a year-long summer movie season, and 20th Century Fox will have an entire marketing team devoted to putting out teasers of trailers of teasers of trailers for whatever the next Wolverine X-Men movie is every 12 hours. But, thank God, we are not there yet. Instead, here’s (some of) what we have to look forward to over the next few months…

Movie Most Likely to Give People Uncomfortable Sexual Feelings About Robots (Age Of Ultron):


Most Likely to Herald the Coming of the Apocalypse (Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2):


Most Likely to Win the Amazing Spider-Man Award, Given to a Mediocre Movie That Doesn’t Deserve Its Amazing Cast (Fantastic Four):


Most Likely to Win the Colin Farrell in Alexander Award, Given to a Mediocre Movie That Could Have Been Good, But the Casting Sucked (Pixels):


Least Likely to Feature a Tina Turner Cameo (Mad Max: Fury Road):


Most Likely to Make You Miss Jeff Goldblum (Jurassic World):


Most Likely To Finally Be the Movie That Gets People to Stop Trying to Make Jai Courtney a Thing (Terminator: Genisys):


Most Likely to Make Me Write a Ten-Page Screed On Why Despicable Me Is Getting the Franchise Treatment While Megamind Has Somehow Been Lost to Time. Seriously, How? It Was So Good. (Minions)


Most Likely to Make You Tear Up at a Movie About Gosh Darned Car Racers (Furious 7):


Most Likely to Feature Sexy Dancing (Magic Mike XXL): summer-movie-preview-magic-mike-xxl

No, Wait. Most Likely to Feature Sexy Dancing (Ant Man):

Beach picture by Duncan Rawlinson.


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