The Wild, Beautiful World Of Bootleg Movie Translations [Featured]

HP lois malfroy

Do you ever find yourself thinking that those big-budget geeky  movies you like just make too much sense? Yeah, OK, we get flying cars and giant battles and spaceships and all that. But where are the odd religion references? The out-of-left-field sexual innuendos? The David Lynchian surrealness?

Thank you, bootleg movie subtitles. Even when the words you’re trying to translate are literally on the screen, you still provide us with the utmost in mistranslated hilarity. Now that’s dedication.

Let’s start with the most infamous movie mistranslation, the one that inexplicably substituted the Jedi Council for the Presbyterian Church and gifted the world with at eternal piece of internet vernacular. Iiiiiit’s…

SW backstroke

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (via

SW do not want

Yes, my friends: This is where “do not want” came from. It did not spring fully formed from the collective consciousness of mid-00’s Geocities. The cultural contribution of this unknown movie translator with a shaky grasp on English can never be measured. Do you think they even know how much they have come to mean to the world?

SW he is in my behind

Woah, now. I didn’t want to watch the Revenge of the Sith porn parody. Actually, that might be better than the real thing.

SW mtfbwy

This is “May the Force be with you,” by the by. And may the wish power also be together with you.

SW pregnancy

…pregnancy? Pregnancy!

SW presbyterian church

Is that “getting made” in the mafia sense, or…?

SW smelly boy

Damn, Grievous, I know Hayden Christensen isn’t the best actor, but that’s no need to make it personal.

And in a galaxy not so far far away, we have:

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (via)

TTT arogon

Well, Aragorn has like twelve hundred nicknames in the books–there’s no reason “Arogon” wouldn’t be one of them.

TTT gandolf foogray

I call BS on “Gandolf foogray,” though. Tolkien wouldn’t be so inconsistent with his capitalization. The man was a linguist.

TTT mall content

“God, King Theoden, all I said is that I don’t think they need to add a second Hot Topic–there’s no need to go off on me!”

TTT what food

No “please,” Frodo? It’s OK, Sam doesn’t mind. He has:

TTT potatoes

MASHAM, TAKEN, TWIST YOU. MASHAM, TAKEN, TWIST YOU.”

TTT toast me

Toast you as in “To Gimli, a wonderful dwarf with a great beard,” toast you as in “make you into toast?,” or toast you as in “I’m about to get blazed as f*ck before this battle, braaaaaaaah“?

The Avengers (Tumblr user Bileto, via)

avengers bait and eyeliner

“Oh, I also think I need some more hair gel. Could you pick me up–”

“No, Loki, you don’t need more hair gel.”

avengers bare ass green big man

Well it’s not wrong.

avengers calm you a litte

This is going to be my go-to response image when people start getting wacky on the Internet.

Avengers thunder guy

“I do not like big thunder man, I do not like him, God I am.”

avengers xie liang

*Standing behind Loki, a man named Xie Liang puts down the spear he was about to stab Loki with.* “Aw, man.”

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (via)

HP dumbles greatest in the world

“He never endangers his students or anything!”

HP enemy of the lab

Hear that, lab assistants who don’t properly label your beakers? Voldemort is coming for you.

HP i am only thinking about death

GPOY endless teenage goths.

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