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10 Perplexing Puzzles That You’ll Never Solve

I’m not much of a puzzle kind of guy, but I will say that if I solved some of these puzzles, I might just weep with joy at my accomplishment. I’m talking full-on weeping. Then again, some of these gadgets also have the power to hurl me into a rage out of frustration. It kind of sounds like a bad relationship, but when I finally snap it won’t be because of a woman. It will be the Superplexus that gets me.

The Superplexus
I hope Reginald here goes to Hogwarts, because it’s going to take some serious magic to defeat the Superplexus puzzle. It takes 400 hours to handcraft one of these puzzles from Finnish birch, all so you can try and navigate a 5/8-inch wooden marble through the course by carefully maneuvering the sphere. The entire track laid out end to end would be 31 feet longer than a football field and that doesn’t count the eight stainless steel wire pathways you must traverse during the journey. If everything goes perfectly, it would take a minimum of 425 turns to complete the track. Fortunately, the difficulty level can be customized, but if you plan on dropping $30,000 for one of these, you had better be all in. Hammacher Schlemmer via Nerd Approved

Extreme Rubik’s Cube
Have you ever seen one of those videos in which someone jumps out of an airplane, then solves a Rubik’s Cube before pulling the ripcord? Well, if you plan on trying that with this record-breaking 17x17x17 Rubik’s Cube variant, you had better start your jump in space. That’s because you will need every second of an eternity to solve it. The entire 1,539-piece puzzle was crafted using a 3D printer over the course of 15 hours, with another 15 spent dyeing, sorting and assembling. Speaking of that, the entire puzzle can be bought in sections with the completed version running $1,691.74 and up. Shapeways via Nerd Approved

Puzzle alarm clock
The puzzle alarm clock is actually very simple to solve — no more difficult than a child’s toy. The difficulty comes in when you try to solve it in a groggy stupor. When the alarm goes off in the morning, the pieces pop out — meaning that you have to retrieve them and put each shape in the correct slot. Only then will the alarm be silenced. Knowing the way I sleep, the alarm won’t actually wake me up, but it will work itself into my dreams. I’ll have a nightmare about being a 32-year-old preschool student who can’t seem to solve a simple puzzle. The other kids will all point and laugh. Meanwhile, I’m sleepwalking, drooling and trying to fit a star shape into a triangle. $11.99 — Perpetual Kid

Toilet roll puzzle
Maybe you are a whiz at puzzles in ordinary situations, but how will you perform under pressure? With this toilet roll puzzle, you will be forced to figure out how to unlock the box and access the paper. You must remain sharp and you must remain calm — the stakes couldn’t be higher. If you find this puzzle at your friend’s house, feel free to bypass it altogether and just grab one of their towels. They deserve what’s coming to them. $17 — Lazybone via Nerd Approved

These Revomaze puzzles are individually milled from a single block of metal. Inside is a labyrinth full of dead ends, traps, and one way paths that you must navigate in order to remove the metal core and solve the puzzle. If you make a wrong move, be prepared to start back at the beginning — kind of like retro video games. I still wake up at night in a cold sweat with the Atari Pitfall music running through my head. Choose between three levels of difficulty: Very, very hard; super duper hard; and crazy frustratingly hard. $119.99 to $129.99 — ThinkGeek via Nerd Approved

The world’s largest crossword puzzle
If you get a smug satisfaction out of completing the newspaper crosswords, step up to this Guinness-certified crossword puzzle. It is officially the largest one in existence. It can take months, even years, to complete — and it comes with a 100-page hint book. Careful though — after hanging this beast on your wall there may be no turning back. You might start to string nonsensical clues together from magazines and newspapers about a secret Soviet crossword conspiracy. $29.95 — Hammacher Schlemmer via Nerd Approved

The impossible lock
Let’s say you are trying to prevent yourself from overindulging in sweets, so you put a padlock on the pantry. If you are really serious about losing weight, you’ll get one of four Impossible Lock designs — all of which are one part padlock, one part puzzle. Each solid brass and stainless steel lock has a complex internal design that can be opened in a series of steps using keys and/or other supplied tools. Just make sure to give the solution to someone who won’t break down when you start trying to chew through the door in frustration. Earlier versions have sold out, but you can still get the latest version for $306.46 — Grand Illusions

Wine bottle puzzle
If you see this Don’t Break The Wine Bottle puzzle in your kitchen, it may be a not-so subtle hint from your friends and family that you have a drinking problem. As you might suspect, to open the bottle, you must solve the wooden puzzle. That might not be so difficult, if you didn’t have the shakes. In a few minutes, you might have to get a saw from the garage. $33 — Firebox

Reverse geocache puzzle
Designed as a wedding gift for a friend who was moving to France, this homemade GPS-enabled puzzle box from Mike Hart can be opened only when it is within about a mile of a target destination. The trick is that there is a button on the box that displays how far the user is away from that location on a small screen, and you can only push it and check 50 times before the box is sealed “forever.” The box contained some gift cards, some audio books and a sentimental card, but it took a full year for the couple to finally open the box and figure that out. If I was on the receiving end of a gift like this, I don’t know if I would be flattered or filled with contempt and a murderous rage. Arduiniana

The Intimidator
Is this a gun or a deadly game of Jenga? Believe it or not, you are actually looking at a metal sculpture with more than 135 pieces that can be broken down and transformed into a working .45-caliber muzzleloading pistol. The 40-pound block can be opened only with a special key and inside you will find all the necessary components to assemble the gun — from a customized set of tools, to the gun hardware, to .45-caliber bullets, a standard sight, a laser sight, a cannister containing black powder pellets, a secure storage area for 209 shotgun primers, a spent primer removal tool and a ramrod for loading the bullets. Just don’t expect burglars to be patient enough for you to assemble the gun during a break-in. Speaking of patience, if you want to own one of these yourself, it will take two years and, we assume, a whole lot of cash to complete. Price not available — Maxton via Nerd Approved

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