10 Weapons Of Crass Destruction [Featured]

Need to defend yourself against robbers and muggers? Try a set of diamond-ring brass knuckles, disco-light nunchucks, a gold mini crossbow or any of these other out-there armaments. Sure, they’re on the bizarre side, but that’s what makes them so effective. The bad guys’ll never see ’em coming.

Diamond ring brass knuckles
At the place where “’till death do us part” gets real, you’ll find these diamond ring brass knuckles from designer Kate Bauman. Just pray your wife doesn’t find out that the jewels in the setting are actually cubic zirconia. $425 — Kate Baumanvia Fashionably Geek

Mini crossbow
Imagine a burglar’s surprise when you go micro medieval on them and whip out a mini crossbow. They might mock you at first, but I suspect that will quickly change when they have a flaming firework bolt barreling at them. OK, so it’s a bit impractical, but as you’ll see in the video, this homemade weapon packs quite a wallop for its size. It’s capable of firing pointed darts, blunt-tipped darts and flaming firework darts with a high degree of accuracy. YouTube via Nerd Approved

LED nunchucks
The first thing a Party Ninja’s victim hears is the faint dance beats of house music blowing softly in the breeze. Unfortunately, by that time it’s too late to react. The Party Ninja strikes hard with his light-up LED nun-chucks, lays down some epic dance move martial arts and disappears in a puff of glitter. You’ll get served six times before you even hit the ground. $18.98 — All Ninja Gear via Nerd Approved

S3 Krypton handheld laser
We don’t have laser rifles just yet, but this 1-watt S3 Krypton laser from Wicked Lasers isn’t far off. It is currently being verified by Guinness as the world’s brightest handheld laser with 86 million lux brightness. In layman’s terms, that’s 8,000 times brighter than looking directly at the sun. It also has a range of 85 miles, so you could blind an attacker, a pilot in a commercial jet and scramble a satellite in orbit with a single shot. — $300-$1,000 – Wicked Lasers via Nerd Approved

Benchmade tactical pen
The Benchmade 1100 tactical pen is based on the classic Kubotan self-defense stick, which you have probably seen dangling from someone’s keychain at one point or another. Basically, it’s a devastating blunt instrument designed for whacking knuckles and prodding pressure points in close quarters. The 1101 also features a carbide tip that will decimate attackers and slaughter signatures. $120 — Benchmade

Credit card knife
The CardSharp takes the pocketknife to new levels with a feather-light, foldable credit card-sized blade that measures just 2mm thick. Any mugger trying to make a withdrawal from your wallet is going to be met with horrors far worse than your overdrawn bank account. $25 — Iain Sinclair

Stun gun cane
An old man with a cane might seem like an easy target for an attacker, but they will quickly find out how wrong they are when a million volts of electricity starts flowing through their bodies. Indeed, the bottom of this cane is a super-powerful stun gun. It also features a bright LED flashlight in the handle, presumably so you can clearly see your enemies twitching uncontrollably on the ground in the dark. Who’s fallen and can’t get up now? $89.99 — Budk

Intimidator metal puzzle
If you are into puzzles you’ll love the Intimidator. It’s a super-complex metal sculpture with more than 135 pieces that can be broken down to form a working .45-caliber muzzleloading pistol. You’ll need a key to get inside the 40-pound block, but once inside you’ll find all of the tools, hardware and ammo necessary to build the gun. Just don’t expect an intruder to wait around while you play this deadly game of Jenga. Pricing not available.Maxton via Nerd Approved

Sap Cap
On the outside it looks like an ordinary baseball cap, but the Sap Cap is actually a blackjack in disguise. There’s a pocket of material sewn into the hat that’s as dense as lead, so you have quite an effective weapon when you use the bill as a handle. Never worry about getting caught up in fan riots at the stadium again! $18.99 — True Swords via Fashionably Geek

Safe Bedside Table
Sleep soundly with the Safe Bedside Table. The brilliance of James McAdam’s design is that the leg is removable and can act as a club while the top features arm braces to act as a shield. Now all you need is some Kevlar bed sheets and you’ll be ready to take on all comers as a bat-wielding medieval ghost. $245 — James McAdam

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