Simply put, the Turd Burglar is a tiny shovel attached to a hockey stick. Unbelievably enough, the purpose of the device is to clean up dog poop by flicking it around the yard for fun. However, the product site stresses that you need to take time to learn how to use the Turd Burglar. I mean, you can’t just flick poop around all willy-nilly. You have to learn to finesse that shit.
The website also claims that:
- Kids will imagine scoring the winning goal in the Stanley Cup finals as they rid your yard of turds
- The Turd Burglar is a safe way to play with poop
- Encourages “proper” use of compost and natural fertilizer (what?)
- Your neighbors will rave “I love what you’ve done with your poop”
- Kids will get off the sofa, stay out of the street, exercise, invent, and have fun
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?
You can pick up a Turd Burglar of your very own for $15.99 (hockey stick not included).