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Few people know the story of Frank the Reindeer. He tried out for the team, but he lacked “star quality”, and his name was all wrong for the image that Santa was trying to convey to the public. Second, he wasn’t the best flier. He was down on his luck though, and Santa found it in his heart to give him a job anyway. Sometimes Frank wishes he hadn’t.
Product Page ($15)
Just because you aren’t into hunting doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the functional and space saving advantages offered up by a severed deer head. When you have this stag suction cupped to your mirror offering eight points of toothbrush storage and a mouth with an easily accessible tube of Colgate, you’ll understand a hunter’s true motivation.
Product Page: ($8.99)
Did you watch It’s Alway’s Sunny In Philadelphia yesterday? If so, you may have noticed the gang’s unique ideas for merchandising Paddy’s Pub. Well, maybe the “shot” gun wasn’t all that original, but the Dick Towel…good friggin’ Lord, the Dick Towel was hilarious. Not surprisingly, I found out you can actually dry off with this perverted piece of Americana for only $20! Still not convinced that you absolutely need this? Check out the hilarious video after the break (NSFW).
Kill two birds with one stone by lathering up and shaving off excessive skin body hair at the same time with a refreshing bar of razor blade soap. It features a real rusty razor blade inside so make sure you have your tetanus shot up to date. And don’t worry, if you lose a nipple you can always find a replacement.
Product Page ($7)
If you participate in OCD style hand washing, you may want the reassurance of knowing that your soap is up to its antibacterial duties. Not a problem when you have a dispenser that lists credentials in the form of word definition:
” Clean – Unsoiled, unstained, unadultered, pure. Habitually free from dirt, defects and flaws. Innocent from any crime”
However, before you put your hand soap on the same level as Jesus, you should know that it only works on external dirt.
Product Page: (£65, or about $104.00)
Oooh…let Top Gear’s Stig drive all over your naked body with his very own line of bath products. Comes in body wash and soap on a rope varieties. I’m not sure what the soap smells like, but if I had to guess, it would be “burning tires.” The body wash version is available after the break.
The gas masks on this toilet paper are only good as a warning to the bathroom occupant following you. If the odor is really bad you could wad up a bunch of the tp and hold it over your nose to avoid the unpleasant smell. That’s as close as this roll will come to being a gas mask.
Product Page (£2.95, about $4.70)
Dingleberries? This cheese grater toilet paper will make quick work of it. Let’s hope it has some serious thirst pockets to soak up all the blood.
Product Page (£4 or $7)
Add the final touch to your bachelor pad by outfitting all your toilets with these Mud Flap Girl Toilet Handles. Simple, iconic handles that are totally inappropriate for your average home but work perfectly in the right circumstances.
Product Page ($39.95)
Everyone’s asleep—this is your “me” time. Take a load off (literally) with the help of this glowing toilet paper. Nothing is more relaxing that a midnight poop in the dark. Am I right or am I right?
Product Page (£5 or $8 / Pre-Order)
