If your perfect lullaby is visualizing a hoard of zombies attacking your bed to eat your brain, you’ll love this “Never Sleep Alone” bedding set from Etsy seller Melissa Christie. Included are two pillowcases and a duvet cover sporting screen printed Zombie arms with hand painted details. The items are also sold individually and are available in twin/single, double/full, queen or king sizes.
Product Page: ($135 via Incredible Things)
Unless you’ve taken a blacklight to your sheets, you may be unaware of how much of your DNA is already hanging out in your bed. However, you can’t count the molecules to lull yourself to sleep unless you have $374 to spend on the DNA pillow. You can also cuddle up with a giant fingerprint, hair, or various bloodstains that will make it look like you were blown away in your sleep but able to confine the blood to your pillow. All designs are incredibly expensive and perfect for fans of forensic mysteries.
Normally, a few pints is all you need to get to sleep quickly—but now you can keep warm on the inside and the outside courtesy of Guinness.
Product Page (£38 or $62)
If you want to ensure that your daughter follows a path that starts at spoiled little shit and moves on to egomaniacal bitch who’s totally out of touch with reality, then a good starting point would be getting her this bed which resembles Cinderella’s coach and happens to cost as much as a luxury car. It’ll come in handy later when she uses it to mow down anyone who stands in her way or accuses her of having ever ripped a fart that didn’t delight the senses and turn the air into solid gold.
Product Page: (Starts at $47,000)
The Space Story Blanket is a space themed duvet cover with a comforter lit by over 100 LED’s. You can either set it to story mode where it plays sounds effects and rhythmically moving lights for two minutes. In sleep mode the lights come on and fade out over one minute to ease you into sleep. The idea is to give kids a place to use their imagination making up their own stories, but I just want one for the sound and light show. You can complete your bedroom conversion to a place of science fiction worship by adding the under bed lighting kit. Just to keep the monsters under the bed on the run and give you a little bit of a night light.
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