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Indeed, some of the greatest minds of our time decided to bring you functionality that the idiots at Apple simply overlooked. The iBottleopener case allows you to crack open a brew while stylishly protecting your iPhone 3G/3GS. And don’t worry thirsty iPhone 4 owners, a compatible version is on its way.
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Anyone with a gut knows that the remote control is the gatekeeper to weight gain and mindless entertainment. But there was one important factor that, until now, was left out of the lazy equation… a built in bottle opener. That’s where this “Clicker” universal remote comes in. In addition to the bottle opener, it will also control up to 9 components, including TV, Cable, VCR, Satellite, as well as DVD and CD players. Now the only looming threat of exercise will be if the clicker goes missing… God forbid.
Product Page: ($25 via Crunch Gear)
Happy Man is very excited to open any bottle for you. You might think that smile would turn into a frown as you use his appendage to rip the cap off a bottle, but there is no change in expression at all. One caveat to keep women from being disillusioned: the happy man’s features are not to scale.
Product Page ($8.26)
This motorcycle grip makes a revving sound every time you pop open a beer. You’ll get a lot of good years out of this motorcycle, but remember that it is dangerous. You’ll probably fall a few times, and once the liver goes it’s time to trade her in.
Product Page ($10)
Only the most formal apparel is appropriate for your finest wines, and a bow tie fits the bill. Every time the bow tie is pulled apart to get to the corkscrew/bottle opener your personal message plays for them. Present a bottle of wine as a gift with the bow tie clipped on and the recipient can hear your greeting anytime, whether they open it while you are there or wait until later. And the message is re-recordable so it is perfect for re-gifting.
Product Page ($17.95)
Where has this pirate been sailing? Off the cost of islands that were once a-bomb test sites? When you have more eyes than teeth, it’s probably a good sign that you should set sail for new lands.
Product Page ($12)
This Giant Beer Can Tab Bottle Opener will give your refrigerator the same look as your kitchen counters the day after a big party, the only difference being that this one is actually useful. Giant versions of any products are cool, those based on beer cans are twice as good and those that aid in your drinking are priceless.
Product Page ($9.95)
If you have never seen a Zap Cap bottle opener in action then you have not seen the most efficient way to open a beer bottle. No one wants calloused hands from the large number of beer bottles they need to open every night, and the Zap Cap not only avoids that but is also so easy to use that all you do is press it onto the top of a bottle and the cap will come off as easy as that. Now you can get the ease of the Zap Cap bottle opener in this version disguised as its prey: a bottle. Just to make things a little easier, there is a magnet at the base of the bottle that will hold the cap in place for easy removal. Anything that makes beer drinking better is okay by me.
Product Page (£4.95, about $8)
If all your doctor can tell you is that an apple a day can keep him away, then I choose this Wooden Bottle Opener Apple. I may not get much nutrition from the apple itself, but I will get plenty of empty calories from all the beers I will be opening. Honestly, that sounds like the best apple you could have.
Product Page ($17.95)
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