candle

Geeky Candles

The action figures lining your shelves and the graphic novels on your bookcase are not enough. Maximize the geek experience in your home by making it smell like Middle Earth, space, Teen Spirit, or a retro arcade. ThinkGeek has a new candle set offering all those options. The votive candles are carefully crafted and dyed to fit their names:

Retro Arcade: Candy, pizza, and a pocket full of quarters
Middle Earth: Grass, rolling farmland, and bright blue sky
Teen Spirit: Your high school deodorant, in your parents’ bathroom
Space: Ozone and hope for a peaceful federation

I’m tempted to try these out just to see what a pocket full of quarters mixed with pizza smells like.

Product Page ($19.99)

candle-warmer

There is no reason to feel that your manliness is diminished because you choose to burn a few tea lights around your house. Especially if that small amount of heat is what this candle holding guy needs to keep himself from freezing to death. Would have been even better if he was toasting s’mores.

Product Page (TBA)

ex-boyfriend-hell

You can’t pretend your ex-boyfriend is in Hell unless there is some fire around. Burn that condemned bastard in effigy while you enjoy the cinnamon scent of the candle. Burn , baby, burn indeed.

Product Page ($13.99)

hand-candle-holders

Either of these disembodied hands will do a fine job holding your candles, allowing you to have your candlelight without hot wax dripping onto your skin. And when no candles are around, you have a nice thumbs up decoration with one hand, while the other looks like it is doing something a bit more risque.

Product Page (£5.00, about $8)

ski cap candleAt first glance, you may think: “Big deal, it’s an ugly hat riding cow udders…Useless”. But that’s before you realize that the cap can be removed to reveal a fine smelling candle with a 40 hour burn time. You’ll be sorry you insulted the hat next time you need to keep warm or mask a noxious funk…Utterly useful.

Product Page: ($26)

Bloody Eyeball Candle

bloody eyeball candleThis Halloween your disgusting candle needs can be met by visiting Etsy and picking up this 3.3″ unscented monstrosity that will give your next romantic dinner or relaxing bath a disturbing vibe that comes along with a burning wick sticking out of a cup of bloody eyeballs.

Product Page: ($7.50)

Pipe Candlestick

pipe-candlestick

This Pipe Candlestick puts the burning candle in its place in something that is made to contain burning items. Throw a couple of pipes around the living room and have mood lighting whenever you want it without the worry of burning your house down. No indication if you could actually smoke these if you chose.

Product Page ($84)

cauldron-votive-holder

You can turn your votive burning nights from a bit effeminate into very cool when you use this Cauldron Votive Holder based on the Harry Potter movies. It may just be buying into the hype that is Harry Potter, but you don’t need to say exact what the cauldron is based on. It is just a cool way to burn candles.

Product Page (£17.99, about $30 available July 17)

urban-case-camera-candle

Though not quite as bright as a flashbulb, this wax camera will give off plenty of retro light for your evening’s activities. Burning an old Polaroid seems like a very natural thing to do in this age of digital photography. No one has the patience to wait a couple minutes for a picture to develop anymore.

Product Page ($39.50)

dynamite-candle

The guest of honor will probably be a bit amused when you bring him a cake with this Dynamite Candle on it. The moment of panic won’t set in until they go to blow it out and it relights. They know it is fake, or are at least 99.9% sure.

Product Page (£2.59, about $4)