You know how some water dispensers can have that plastic, squirt gun taste? The two liters of water in this Simpsons-brand dispenser is steeped in 3-eyed Blinky fish flavor.
Product Page (£20 or $32)
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fish
Sitting on its base, you have a miniature aquarium with swimming fish to keep you company when you are spending hours surfing the net. If you ever get stressed out, just pull the ball off the base and throw it around or bounce it off the floor. When you feel sufficiently relieved, just replace it on the base and go about your business with your swimming fish back in place.
Product Page (Pricing unavailable)
In an undersea world, Dr. Strangelove would have been less about bombs and more about how I learned to stop worrying and love the trout.
Product Page ($175)
Turn your pool into a light show at evening with the Kaleidoscopic Pool Cruising Fish. Not only will it illuminate the pool with an array of colored lights, but it will swim along at a rate of 50 feet per minute. That will give the light show enough variety to cover you for an entire night of entertaining by the pool.
Product Page ($39.95)
There is no real connection between corn on the cob and fish that I am aware of, but these little Lake Fish Corn On The Cob Picks will give your dinner a little seafood flair. You are always told to include some fish in your diet, so you can try convincing your doctor that this is just as good. Even if you don’t win that argument, you will still have the most unique corn cob picks in the neighborhood.
Product Page ($15.95)
Putting some poor fish into this fish bowl would be like you sleeping in a bed shaped like a human. It is just one step away from those pictures you see of a person watching TV of a person watching TV ad infinitum. You can imagine the fright the little fish experiences as he is lowered into the fish’s mouth.
Product Page ($34.95)
Poor little fish. While he is doing you a favor by keeping the water in your tub his head is stuck down in the drain the entire time. At least he has that nice tail to make it easy for you to pull him out when the need arises.
Product Page (£7.95, about $12)
The product page for the Aqua Bomb says it will “compliment your environment” and “add a little tranquility to any home or office”. Whew! That’s a relief. I just couldn’t own fish if they had to swim around a normal aquarium, it would put the kibosh on the munitions vibe I was trying to maintain around my pad. Plus I’d lose out on all the therapeutic benefits that only a goldfish filled MK-84 can offer. Thank you, Aqua Bomb!
Product Page: (Price available upon request)
Flushed prematurely, this goldfish grew to a tremendous size in water adjacent to a nuclear plant. Exposure to radiation also left it with the unique ability to change color when exposed to water. Unfortunately, like most goldfish he won’t live long—about 40 hours in this case, so use him wisely! Put him in the punch bowl or in the pool at a party, or let him hang out in the bath when you want to relax.
Product Page ($13)
These hand-blown glass bombons are intended to hold everything from flowers to fish with bizarre designs that include an octopus, fish, dog and cat. The latter two are pictured after the break.
