Those devilish Gnome-Be-Gones have been terrorizing your garden without mercy for years now. Some of your previous gnomes have been so overcome with stress that they decided to end it all. Maybe it’s time you hired a gnome that can fight back.
Enter the ninja and sumo gnomes.
Product Page ($20 individually/$35 for set)
If you don’t live in Montana where dinosaurs can be found in your backyard, then get the next best thing and order this 11ft tall T-Rex from Design Toscano who describe the thunder lizard as:
“Realistically sculpted with rows of menacing teeth, a fearsome tail and scaly skin, our prehistoric artifact is cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted with powerfully convincing color and texture. This display-quality sculpture transforms any home, garden, restaurant or hotel into something truly magnificent!”
If the transformation they speak of consists in your neighbor’s kid soiling himself in terror on your front yard, then yes, it will be a “truly magnificent” addition.
Product Page ($7,500 via Geekologie)
Make people think that you are the lord of the plants by grabbing a leaf off this plant and using it to slip your shoes on. Then just put the leaf back and go about your business. While this shoe horn is a most useful plant, that nasty funk on your feet will likely give it a most unpleasant odor.
Product Page ($17)
Whether it’s hostile nomadic tribes or gophers, this Great Wall will protect your precious plants from attack.
Product Page ($50 for set of 4)
Although intended for use in a garden, the product page for these iron crowns claim that they can make anything appear more dignified. But take that with a massive grain of salt, because if you think coronation alone will instantly turn your smut films into great philosophy books while providing you with a clean shirt and armpits familiar with the touch of deodorant, you’re in for severe disappointment. Additional designs are pictured after the break.
If you’ve ever tried to breastfeed your plants, it may be time to admit that you have a serious garden coddling problem. Why not channel all that extra energy into playing Tetris with their tetromino shaped pots? After awhile you may even forget there was anything growing in them; which means you’ll finally stop killing your plants with kindness and see those Perennials through to adulthood; or possibly subject them to Tetris induced neglect. Eh, it’s a start.
Product Page: (Price available upon request)
Some creatures just don’t have any respect for your garden full of statues, gnomes in particular. This Wrecking Ball Garden Sculpture has just one purpose and that is to leave no other sculpture standing. He will leave no stone unturned to destroy all others, it is just who he is. Since it is made of recycled military-surplus steel and a reclaimed army helmet used during WWII, it is an environmentally friendly product as well.
Product Page ($330)
No one would ever accuse a rooster of being an elegant flying machine. While he can achieve lift off, it won’t be pretty or for a very long distance. And if there were a tree in his way, this tree art is a pretty accurate depiction of how that would turn out. With all the appendages being mounted on springs, a gentle breeze will have him moving just like a real, mortally wounded rooster stuck in a tree might.
Product Page ($18.99)
You want a labor saving device? Then how about a watering can that you can leave out in the yard. It’s log shape will look right at home with all the other yard waste that you haven’t quite found the time to clean up yet. In fact, it may look nicer than most of the other landscaping you have. For some reason plant care has a tendency to bring out some very odd products.
Product Page ($14.99)
Here is yet another reason why you must refrain from burying corpses in your own yard. Miracle Gro is a lot more powerful than you could ever imagine.
The Zombie of Montclair Moors Garden Sculpture is a life-sized creation by artist Alan Dickenson that is sure to scare the hell out of any Jehovah’s Witnesses and Girl Scouts that may come knocking on your door.
Product Page ($89.95)
Friends: Asylum• Fosfor Gadgets• Geek Girl Diva • Geeks Are Sexy• Obvious Winner• TechEBlog• Technabob• Uber-Review•
