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A perfect companion to the Gaydar detector keychain, Dickdar claims to size up a subject with their pants on. Just point and shoot—the Dickdar will analyze the “data” and respond with one of three phrases:
- “That penis is a weapon of mass destruction”
- “Um”…Hung like a field mouse”
- “Mmm…Short & thick will do the trick”.
Too bad it doesn’t feature a “No penis detected” response. That would come in handy when confronted with prostitutes of a questionable gender.
Product Page (£7 or $11)
Just think, you can have your very own ideas coming out of the Pope’s mouth. That could be good incentive for bettering yourself, it could be sacrilege. This voice recording key chain comes complete with a cut out and keep Popemobile. There are not many products that let you put words into the very person who should be setting you on the straight and narrow.
Product Page (Pricing Unavailable)
A light bulb keychain is odd enough, but this goes above and beyond ordinary weirdness by doubling as a flask. Despite the subject, no bright ideas ever came from a combination of car keys and liquor.
Product Page ($10)
I don’t think this Buster Sword replica keychain will do you much good in a street fight, but I can see it being useful for opening mail and boxes. There are several other weapons and charms available from manga faves like Final Fantasy, Bleach, Naruto and One Piece—a selection is pictured after the break.
Have a habit of losing your keys? Thanks to this Beer Mug keychain you can retrieve it simply by whistling. When the mug picks up the sound, it will beep until you retrieve it. Whistle finders are nothing new of course, but this one is shaped like a beer. A BEER!
Product Page ($5)
There are plenty of trash talking keychains in English, but where can Spanish speakers turn when they want to lay down a quick and dirty electronic insult? Better yet, where can English speakers turn when they want to secretly insult someone who doesn’t understand Spanish? This keychain should do the trick with push-button phrases like “Hijo de Puta” (son of a bitch), ”Maricon” (asshole), “Come Mierde” (eat sh*t) and “Cabron” (man who lets woman cheat on him).
Product Page ($10)
Sure the fish shape is a little weird, but it’s hard to argue with a keychain that also functions as a TV remote, bottle opener and flashlight for only $6.
Product Page ($6)
Hey, I like White Castle slyders and the Harold and Kumar movie as much as the next guy—but this talking keychain is reserved for the truly obsessed. I’m convinced it is part of a White Castle brain-washing project or some underground burger cult. Don’t believe me? When you push the button the keychain says: “Yeah, he’s one of ours. White Castle, it’s what you crave!”
Creepy.
Product Page ($8)
Just having a cool keychain with a miniature Chutes and Ladders game on it would be a pretty cool gift. But when you break this thing open and they see that you have a fully working game their first thought will be to wonder how they are going to use that tiny little spinner. Obviously not a game to be played after a few drinks on a Friday night, but you just know that is when this thing will be the most fun.
Product Page ($4.99)
I don’t care what kind of keychain you have, you are not anywhere near as cool as the guy who has a Battleship game on his keychain. It may only have a total of 25 possible guesses, but I bet you still can’t hit your opponents damn boat. At least this way I have a chance.
Product Page ($4.48)
