Posts tagged as:

masturbation

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If anti-masturbatory gum hasn’t done the trick for you, try a more direct approach with this Handz Off Cream. This special blend of coconut, buttermilk and vanilla bean will leave your junk silky smooth and it will fight your urges for up to 6 hours. Apply liberally and vigorously to affected areas.

Warning: Do not use handz off anti-masturbatory cream more than ten times per day.Side effects may include hairy palms and blindness. Should abnormal swelling occur, consult a hooker.

Product Page ($9.50)

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Does this Wind Up Masturbating Monkey doing anything other than whack off? Actually, no. Seems like a pretty common male trait.

Product Page (£2.99, about $6)