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The Bad Boy Bag O’ Fun may offer handcuffs, a mustache, a disco ball, and tattoos to name a few, but I can still tell you a few additions it could benefit from, like cab fare, a fake ID, the entire Bee Gees catalogue, chasers, Kleenex and an extra pair of pants. Whew…that was a wild night!
Product Page: ($12.99)
Remember the club? Well, it’s finally earned a place in history by having a nifty plush replica dubbed “The Sofftklübb” made in it’s honor. You’ll get all the enjoyment that comes with owning a big, fluffy novelty auto protection device, like the seconds of amusement that come with watching baffled houseguests try to figure out what the hell it is.
Product Page: ($14.99)
Getting ready to see that buddy off to prison after his latest DUI? Show him what a great friend you are by protecting and mocking him with this bar of “Prison Soap”. This 100% glycerine soap comes to you in an ornate decorative box that puts it head and shoulders above all the other ass soaps on the market—and it even has the helpful reminder “don’t drop the soap” printed into the bar itself. However, if you aren’t on your way to prison and just happen to be one of those people who can’t start the day until you’ve scrubbed your body from head to toe with a human anus, we’ve got you covered as well.
Product Page ($6.95)
Apparently, bringing us such classics as “I Got The Feelin’, Oh No, No” and “Honey-Drippin’ Times”, has earned Neil Diamond a special place on this ₤50 banknote which is issued from the diamond cutter’s own “Bank of Diamond”. It’s value here in the states: about $1.85.
For those living on Neil’s private island, this means that if you’re in the mood to pick up “The Feel of Neil Diamond” and crank it up on the old Victrola, you can expect to pay about ₤250. For the rest of us, you can probably take your bus fare for the week, pick up the album, and still have enough left over to buy all 7 of these banknotes currently available on eBay.
Product Page (AU $2.60, US $1.85)
We’ve all heard warnings to keep batteries away from intense heat. Now you can show everyone how reckless you are by using a battery to produce intense heat and light up your next cigarette. The “Durasell” lighter is a novelty lighter that is designed to look like a C-type battery. Its windproof, produces a 2300 degree flame, and is refillable with normal butane gas. So pour on the class and impress onlookers by showing them that no smoke would be complete without a rich alkaline flavor.
Product Page ($4.99)
The product descriptions for the super bolt and the smaller pocket bolt storage containers are so over the top they would make James Lipton blush. Apparently they believe the oversized novelty bolt will be used to hold troves of diamonds, love letters, and deeds to mansions on the Côte d’Azur. The product description asks: “Is it the bold size that attracts? The cool, refined, oversized wildness of it? It most definitely offers sculptural appeal.” Maybe—or maybe we like the idea of a pocket-sized version adding an extra few inches to our unimpressive manhood. The Super Bolt measures 4.75 x 4.75 x 8.25″, and the smaller pocket bolt measures 2 x 2.25 x 3.25″. An additional photo is available after the break.
Did you just hear something? I think there is someone in the house. Let me grab my penis flashlight to check things out……….OMFG! An intruder!
*Boom Chicka Wow Wow*
Product Page ($14.95)
I know what you are thinking…but it is not that kind of hummer. No, the hummers I am referring to are the gas guzzling Arnoldmobiles that we see soccer moms barreling down the highways in these days. If only my other hummer would grow to 600% it’s original size.
Product Page ($24 a dozen)
What do you do when you are craving toast, but toast is nowhere to be found? If you tote around this inflatable version, you can insure that toast will be available anytime, anywhere. Warning: not for eating or having sex with. Proper uses include: worship, squeezing, and as a makeshift pillow. Measures 6″ tall.
Product Page ($6.50 for a set of 2)
Obviously the key word here is “novelty.” After all, who the hell is going to mistake you for Brad Pitt? Plus, the picture on the license is a bit dated. Brad’s current look is more appropriate on an AARP card. Oooh…snap! Reverse image after the break.
