Prison Soap Smells Like Springtime at San Quentin
Getting ready to see that buddy off to prison after his latest DUI? Show him what a great friend you are by protecting and mocking him with this bar of “Prison Soap”. This 100% glycerine soap comes to you in an ornate decorative box that puts it head and shoulders above all the other ass [...]
Neil Diamond Banknote: 50 Pounds Never Looked So Swanky
Apparently, bringing us such classics as “I Got The Feelin’, Oh No, No” and “Honey-Drippin’ Times”, has earned Neil Diamond a special place on this ₤50 banknote which is issued from the diamond cutter’s own “Bank of Diamond”. It’s value here in the states: about $1.85.
For those living on Neil’s private island, this means that [...]
The “Durasell” Battery Lighter: Only Water Can Stop the Copper Top
We’ve all heard warnings to keep batteries away from intense heat. Now you can show everyone how reckless you are by using a battery to produce intense heat and light up your next cigarette. The “Durasell” lighter is a novelty lighter that is designed to look like a C-type battery. Its windproof, produces a 2300 degree [...]
The Super Bolt: 3 Hard Inches in Your Pants
The product descriptions for the super bolt and the smaller pocket bolt storage containers are so over the top they would make James Lipton blush. Apparently they believe the oversized novelty bolt will be used to hold troves of diamonds, love letters, and deeds to mansions on the Côte d’Azur. The product description asks: “Is [...]
Penis Flashlight: Pleasure Your Intruders (NSFW)
Did you just hear something? I think there is someone in the house. Let me grab my penis flashlight to check things out……….OMFG! An intruder!
*Boom Chicka Wow Wow*
Product Page ($14.95)
Grow Your Own Hummer…Ha!
I know what you are thinking…but it is not that kind of hummer. No, the hummers I am referring to are the gas guzzling Arnoldmobiles that we see soccer moms barreling down the highways in these days. If only my other hummer would grow to 600% it’s original size.
Product Page ($24 a dozen)
The Land of Milk, Honey, and Inflatable Toast
What do you do when you are craving toast, but toast is nowhere to be found? If you tote around this inflatable version, you can insure that toast will be available anytime, anywhere. Warning: not for eating or having sex with. Proper uses include: worship, squeezing, and as a makeshift pillow. Measures 6″ tall.
Product Page [...]
Brad Pitt Novelty California Driver’s License
Obviously the key word here is “novelty.” After all, who the hell is going to mistake you for Brad Pitt? Plus, the picture on the license is a bit dated. Brad’s current look is more appropriate on an AARP card. Oooh…snap! Reverse image after the break.
The Pig Phone May Be Better Than The Burger Phone
The classic Hamburger Phone has recently been thrust back into prominence after appearing in the cinematic tour de force that is the movie Juno. However, it may have some stiff competition from the pig phone and its priceless snoring ringtone. So will it be pork or beef? You decide.
Product Page ($22)
Silent Alarm Clock: (Hint) It Involves Your Butt
Having trouble getting up in the morning? Just cram this candle up your ass far enough to reach the appropriate time marked on the side. Then light it up, sleep on your stomach and wait for the inevitable (which will probably be the fire department and the paramedics barreling towards your house. Now that [...]
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