A battery powered back scratcher is undoubtedly a dream come true for many of the guys out there. However, if you decide to take this back scratcher on an unscheduled trip down your pants, do so at your own risk.
Product Page ($9.98)
self-help
Things can get lonely when your in the military–but Sergeant Stroker is not deterred. He’s taking matters into his own hands with a real kung fu grip. Features moving penis, hands, head, and legs.
Product Page ($7)
Just when I thought I was done with sex toys for awhile, here comes the Life Saver Vibe. Disguised to look like candy, this one will draw less attention when left out in the open. Just don’t leave it where the kids can get it. They won’t like the taste of this thing.
Product Page (£1.50 or $3)
What the hell do you even do with something like this? Notice the wording on the left of the package – “The Joy of Real Quality.” At least you know that you aren’t getting any second rate phony nipples. Only the best will do.
Product Page ($8.99)
[tags]sex,boob related,self-help[/tags]
We have come across some truly weird sex toys over the last week or two, including the the oral sex snorkel, vagina foot, and the male chastity belt, but all of these pale in comparison to the Middle Finger Vibe. I doubt that someone would actually use this thing – but the way I see it, giving this to someone you hate would be a really funny way to say “go fuck yourself.”
Product Page ($39.99)
Have a foot fetish? We’ve got you covered with the Vagina Foot. It’s the world’s weirdest way to rub one out.
Inside there are four purple “stroker” beads that help to create a “realistic texture.” As the product site suggests, if anyone claims to know what a vagina foot feels like, they are liars.
Product Page ( $26.99 )
First Nerd Approved brought you Anti-Masturbatory Gum, now we present this Anti-Masturbatory Air Freshener for all of those who enjoy a morning spank while driving to work. The product warns us that “masturbation while driving is dangerous. Please keep both hands on the wheel.”
Highway masturbation is right behind cellphones as a major threat to motorists. Hopefully the fresh sunflower scent produced by this air freshener will help you to put those deadly urges in check.
Product Page ( $3.50 )
Yesterday I wrote about the DIY Masturbation Kit, and, naturally, it got me thinking about the wide and wonderful world of lube. That’s when I came across Boy Butter.
The lube comes in a bunch of different varieties, but I was interested in the fact that it looks like a tub of Country Crock crossed with the logo from a box of Arm and Hammer Baking Soda.
Product Page ( $9.95 – $19.95 )
If there is one thing I know about nerds it’s that little assistance is needed in the masturbation skills department – we are all card-carrying experts. However, if you would like to take your talents to the next level I offer you the DIY Masturbation Kit.
Each kit includes a masturbators condom, a moist towelette, a rubber glove, and a bulls eye Virility Test that will help you hit that perfect shot. Plus it is AMA (American Masturbators Association ) approved, so you know it’s quality.
Product Page ( £1.29 or $2.41 )
Dammit – If that’s true I have killed a lot of kittens.
This comical anti-masturbatory gum comes in three different fruit flavored styles: Every Time You Masturbate God Kills A Kitten, I Love My Penis, and Handz Off.
Product Page ( £1.00 or $1.87 )
