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You have to figure that a sex slave doll is one toy that won’t complain if it is played with a bit roughly. As a matter of fact, the more it is tossed around, the more it will shout out “Oh yeah! Aaaah that’s good!”. As long as your dog doesn’t start coming home in leather and chains I don’t see any harm in it.
Product Page ($13.99)
This witch has an obsession known as “objectophilia.” That is to say, she has a sexual attraction to inanimate objects. She will violate any MP3 player or cellphone you put in front of her.
Product Page ($13)
A perfect companion to the Gaydar detector keychain, Dickdar claims to size up a subject with their pants on. Just point and shoot—the Dickdar will analyze the “data” and respond with one of three phrases:
- “That penis is a weapon of mass destruction”
- “Um”…Hung like a field mouse”
- “Mmm…Short & thick will do the trick”.
Too bad it doesn’t feature a “No penis detected” response. That would come in handy when confronted with prostitutes of a questionable gender.
Product Page (£7 or $11)
From Fashionably Geek: You know those long johns with the buttoned butt flap—the kind of thing you might expect an old prospector to wear? Well, the centerfold t-shirt is kind of like that, only the image underneath this flap is something you wouldn’t mind seeing.
Product Page (NSFW) ($30 / Coming soon)
If you’re someone who doesn’t like to waste time with things like charm, manners or respect on a date, you may want to cut through the BS by dispensing with regular chocolates and instead getting your woman an edible sex act that will discreetly tell her: “I expect to get laid for this”. Chances are you’ll get rejected, but the real question is: will she slap you in the face or kick you in the crotch? Hmmm…It’s probably best to wear a cup.
Product Page: (£3.99, or about $6.57 )
These individually wrapped boobs come in three fruity flavors. Plus the tin is advertised as reusable—which is great because you just don’t throw away something this hilarious. An additional image is available after the break.
Toothpick holders in restaurants make sense, but where might a toothpick holder in a condom-shaped case be appropriate? What kind of weirdness is going on there?
Product Page ($4)
I’ve got to hand it to the person that makes these condom pillows by hand—the attention to detail is extraordinary. Not only does it look like a condom wrapper on the outside, the inside features a “happy condom” hand-printed pattern and two pockets—one as a storage area for actual condoms, and the other for an oversized fabric novelty condom. Maybe, in time, she will consider a ribbed version for massaging my back. Hit the jump for a gallery of images.
From Fashionably Geek: Haha…sick. Treat your next porn movie like a sporting event with these Big Foam Shocker fingers. Porn is #1! Porn is #1! And if you are freaky, it can also be #2.
Product Page ($13)
When it comes to boner fitness, it’s important to have a well-rounded routine if you want to stay Viagra-free into your old age. That means you need to spend time lifting weights and doing a little cardio.
Product Page ($13)
