sleep aid

pearly dreams toothpaste

Using a combination of Melatonin, Balm Mint, Valerian, and Passionflower, Pearly Dreams toothpaste supposedly helps you get a better nights sleep. But don’t take the manufacturer’s word for it—the product is fully endorsed by Aerosmith’s Brad Whitford:

“After a night of rocking on tour, there is no better way to get to sleep than with PearlyDreams!”

Yeah, that doesn’t sound like some canned marketing response or anything. Let’s not forget that rockstar “sleep aids” usually involve booze and hardcore narcotics. And it’s not so much “sleep” as it is a “coma.”

Product Page ($20)

headache_med
Since nobody can make it through the day anymore without popping a pill or two to relieve even the most minor discomfort, the Help Shop is offering you packs of sleep aids, allergy medication and ibuprofen among other things in what is surely a type of candy store for the aging. They’re even labeled according to symptom in order to gain quick access to your vice. Additional products are pictured after the break.

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