It’s almost Valentine’s Day and love is in the air. But don’t breathe in too much. Before you know it your lungs are burning and you’re violently coughing up black chunks of God-knows-what. Of course, I’m talking about being in the presence of those sickeningly sweet couples that haven’t been together long enough to take stock of their partner’s laundry list of shortcomings. Enjoy it while it lasts, but you will come to regret the day you purchased products like the 8 listed here.
Actually, if she wouldn’t let me have the Kinekt ring, I’m sure as hell not getting this.
Product Page ($24)
Love means never having to say you’re sorry—and that theory will be put to the test this Valentine’s Day when the message you tossed on a cupid’s arrow sails off course and strikes your lover directly in the eye. Hey Robin Hood, who said you had to throw it?
Product Page ($6)
Valentine’s Day is great for those in wonderful relationships, these Grumpy Mini Val Pals are for everyone else. Not only do you have nothing to celebrate on Valentine’s Day, you are outwardly bitter about the whole thing. This doll and its sarcastic remarks will make a great gift for those that are doing nothing for your happiness.
Product Page ($5.95)
Valentines Tip #1: Enhance the romance with a luxurious bubble bath together. Magic will be in the air as you and your lover feed each other pizza and bathe in IL gusto pizza-scented bubble bath. Also available in coffee, cappuccino, chocolate, chewing gum and Tuscan bread scents.
Product Page (Pricing Available Upon Request)
Valentine’s Day means expressing your feelings, getting in touch with that sensitive little guy that’s buried deep down inside. You know—that voice inside your head that asks “I wonder what’s on Oxygen right now?” Hmmm, maybe it’s not a good idea to let him out. Women don’t want a wuss. I mean, do the guys in this magnet set look like they will be scoring on February 14th?
Product Page ($11)
Just a tip guys, if you want to get some on Valentine’s Day, it’s probably best to stick with the traditional teddy bear. Valentine sperm lacks subtlety and reeks of desperation.
Product Page ($25)
For the ladies, you know who is in charge when it comes to the relationship. So why not give the man one day to think that he actually is the boss. This solid pewter paperweight showing a woman worshiping, supposedly at the feet of her man, is something he can take to the office and make himself feel better all year round. The included note, ‘I worship the ground you walk on’, will complete the farce.
Product Page ($55)
Remember that Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. If you are having a difficult time trying to find that perfect gift then maybe something as simple as this Valentine’s Day Toilet Paper Card could keep you out of the dog house. Not likely, and even less so if they ever found out what you paid for it.
Product Page ($14)
Ring once if you are ready now, twice if you are in a hurry, and three times if you are desperate. You may get away with this on Valentine’s day guys, but any other day and this Ring for Sex bell could easily find itself crammed up your ass.
Product Page (£3.99 or $8)
Friends: Asylum• Fosfor Gadgets• Geek Girl Diva • Geeks Are Sexy• Obvious Winner• TechEBlog• Technabob• Uber-Review•
