vlad the impaler

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One of the real-life inspirations behind Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Vlad “The Impaler” has taught us all a very important lesson. Murder enough people and you might get a high-end action figure of your own 500-600 years later.

Vlad Dracula’s terrible reign in Wallachia began in 1456, when the Romanian nobleman escaped years of captivity with the Turks to reclaim his father’s throne. He gained a sinister reputation for his harsh punishments, treating the offenses of beggars and common trespassers the same as armed military enemies. Soon, he had earned the nickname Vlad the Impaler for his favorite means of execution: suspending victims on sharpened stakes set into the ground, leaving them to die painfully and slowly. His name becoming synonymous with blood and terror, Vlad the Impaler’s vicious and unforgiving tactics are said to have been the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s legendary vampire Count Dracula.

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Ah the Killin’ Time Clock. Inappropriate on so many levels. Not only does it feature the face of Vlad Tepes (Vlad the Impaler), the notorious 15th century Romanian ruler and one of Bram Stoker’s inspirations for Dracula, it also features tiny impaled figures on the clock hands. The second hand even includes Vlad’s date of birth and (supposed) death. I suppose it goes without saying, but his product will bring a ray of sunshine into any room.

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