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Flying squirrel dude! FLYING SQUIRREL! What does it do? Exactly what it’s doing right now…nothing. But a flying squirrel doing nothing is a thousand times cooler than any other action figure doing something. Remember that.
The flying squirrel is actually part of a series of animal replicas created by a company called Safari. You can collect ‘em all, but this is definitely the crown jewel.
Product Page ($10)
No need to worry about getting eaten by lions or trampled by an elephant with the Safari Photo Shoot game. All you need is a camera and a little imagination. Every animal you hit with a light beam from your camera will increase your score.
Product Page ($28)
These spilled drink style coasters teach you a simple lesson about cleanliness— the filth you live in is ideal for all sorts of critters. You may not even notice a few small insects, but when you start attracting animals as large as crocodiles, ducks, frogs and turtles, it may be time to pick up a bit. Additional pictures after the break.
These pens will make a ventriloquist out of anyone. The pen can record your voice, and when played back the animal’s mouth will move in synch with the words. All you have to do is stand there like you are trying not to move your lips and let your witty words coming from the animal’s mouths amuse everyone around you. Just be sure you have a good monologue, this technology does not lend itself to improvising.
Product Page ($12.99)
A dry bird will ruin Thanksgiving. Your mother in law will make some sort of crack about your cooking skills, you’ve had a few so you call her a bitch, and it’s all fists, hair pulling and tears from there on out. One turkey-shaped turkey baster could have avoided everything.
Product Page ($10)
The skunk’s smell may not technically make it a dirty animal, but it is a safe bet that other than this Skunk Duster you want that animal nowhere near your house. Inside or out, regardless of whether he is willing to do some dusting.
Product Page ($10.98)
These sproutlets will do two things for you. First they will allow you to enjoy Chia Pet-style gardening without the depressing grandma edge that came from commercials that had a $4 budget, ran during “Wheel of Fortune” and ended with the phrase “Available at Walgreens, Rite Aid, and other fine stores”. Secondly, you’ll have a fake duck giving you a perpetual look of gratification, as if to thank you for slowly and masterfully harvesting him a head of Vanilla Ice hair…Right On.
Product Page: ($5.99)
Mounting a t-rex head on your truck really adds a whole new dimension to the “monster truck” theme. The only way it could be better is if it had a Frankenstein, Wolfman or Dracula head hood ornament. Additional animal versions are available after the break.
While the head from the animal you just took down in your hunting adventure is out being mounted you can use this game trophy shaped cutting board to slice up its freshly cooked meat. You may not be able to mount that tasty loin, but you can certainly admire it while it is being carved.
Product Page ($44.10)
