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These “fortune” bandages are light on predictions and heavy on commentary with statements like “that was dumb” and “sucks to be you” printed on them. A real fortune would be something like “Since you’re an idiot, you’ll hurt yourself today”, or “Buy Neosporin dumbass, you’re gonna need it”. At least then they’ll be imparting valuable information rather than just mocking you from your boo-boo.
Product Page: ($7)
Imagine finding this 41-inch monster sword wrapped up underneath the tree this year. It wouldn’t be hard to spot that’s for sure. That, and the fact that your wife’s hands are bandaged and there is blood all over the wrapping paper would be a dead giveaway. If that’s the case, you might want to take her to the doctor’s office for a tetanus shot. At only $40, this ridiculous sword is bound to get rusted out at some point.
Product Page ($40)
This 2 x 3 phone, keys, wallet rug will help you remember the holy trinity of items you’re supposed to have in your possession before you walk out the door. Remembering now will prevent a heated “where were you when I needed you?” conversation with these items later on.
Product Page: ($18)
Here are the top ten Nerd Approved Gadgets for the week of July 6th-12th, 2009:
Billy Bob Bicep Cling: Eliminate road rage.
Walkie Talkie Pens: A cheating convooooy!
Glowing T-Rex: Protects you from (other) monsters.
The Inflatable Turkey: A dinner doppelganger.
Cotton Candy Toothpicks: Approved by nine out of ten carnies.
Like a giant boo boo kiss from Mommy, this bandage rug will protect your carpet from high density traffic the same way a conventional bandage protects your cuts. However, my guess is this one won’t slide off the second it comes in contact with water.
Product Page: (Availability Unknown)
Having watched a lot of people playing Super Mario over the years, the enemies of Mario seem to kick a lot more ass than Mario himself. So if you want to tough out that paper cut with an equally tough bandage, these Nintendo Enemies Bandages would be a good choice. You get Bullet Bill, the Goomba mushroom and the Piranha Plant. Every one a deadly assassin in Nintendo’s world.
Product Page ($2.99, coming in April)
Why use normal bandages when you could cover up that boo-boo with toast, comic strips or monsters? Plus, these come with a free prize inside. It’s like the Cracker Jack of pain and suffering.
Product Page ($5)
These A Christmas Story-themed Band-Aids are perfect for healing your holiday wounds—unless you shoot your eye out with a bb gun. That would require prompt medical attention. The bandages come in three styles: the pink bunny suit, the Red Ryder BB gun and the fragile leg lamp.
Product Page ($6)
Skin your knee? Awww…poor thing. Chicks dig scars but you won’t get any action by telling them that you “fell down and went boom.” At least your bandages will have masculine wounds printed on them.
Product Page ($4)
Is there anything toast can’t do? You can eat it, use it to tell time, offer salvation, rest your head, or even heal your wounds.
Product Page ($4.95)
