When you go to someone’s house and spot a greeting like this on their doormat, there are a few things about your impending visit that you can count on. For starters, If you go anywhere together, it will be in a pickup truck, and your companions will be a dog and a gun rack. 2. You won’t go the evening without hearing Patsy Cline at least once. 3. There will be a wagon wheel displayed somewhere on the premises. 4. Someone will be wearing a bolo tie. If that stuff doesn’t get you off, then you can always take solace in the fact that the food will most likely be excellent.
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If I ever become absurdly wealthy, I plan to let myself sink into eccentricy. This will be my doormat—and I’ll back it up by answering the door wearing nothing but a sombrero and a bandolier.
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It is pretty hard for you to tell someone who has known you in the past that they have the wrong person when knocking at your door. This doormat handles it with a multi-level denial process. First it notifies them that the named person they are looking for is not there. But it is the doormat’s mustache and glasses as a disguise that completes the ruse. If they recognized you, it wouldn’t make much sense to try to deny who you were.
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The only other computer key that is remotely as close a match for a doormat is the Enter key. But that doormat assumes that you want people to randomly come in. This doormat simply tells people what they already knew.
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How about some animal index markers to add a unique look to your home library? With a selection of pigs, giraffes and deer to choose from, you can combine designs and make your shelves look like the new gateway to Jumanji, or you can keep things uniform and organize your collection with a bunch of jumping deer. That way, the next time you go scanning for something on your shelves your index finger can enjoy the same thrills you experience when driving a dark back road.
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Collect roadkill doormats like trophies from a hunt (without having to do the dirty work yourself). Hey, you even nabbed a Koala!
Fortunately, these rugs are not made from real animals. That would just be…tacky.
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After a long day of endless meetings and your hellish commute home you are a winner just for making it back home. This doormat celebrates that fact by giving you a finish line to cross as you get to the front door. No one would blame you if you raised your arms in triumph after crossing it. Worst case they will feel badly for your sorry example of a life.
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I am a realist and a doormat like this just speaks to me. You know that you are going to be making a mess of it but you still want a little order. Keep the wet stuff and the dry crap apart from each other. If you don’t you will end up with mud and then you will have twice the mess. And make sure your guests are aware that this is not just a suggestion.
Product Page ($19.95)
When I first laid eyes on the Fo’ Shizzle Doormat, my mind was abuzz with ways I could make fun of it in a post on Nerd Approved. However, I think the product description really puts everything in perspective:
“EXCLUSIVE! Yo, G!. Why not add some mad style with this super fly doormat, boo? Clean up your slanguage and muddy shoes all at once, thanks to our extra-rugged olefin mat, a fo’ shizzle (“sure-fire” to those hip to the jive) hit with every visitor.“
Seriously, it was embarrassing just to read that. On the other hand, if Jamie Kennedy is reading this, I found the perfect doormat for you.
You can pick up the Fo’ Shizzle Doormat from What on Earth for $19.95.
Only a computer nerd could appreciate a doormat like this, much less want an arriving date have this be their first impression. I guess if they understand the meaning of that particular IP address it could mean the nerd has found their soul mate. Available at ThinkGeek for $39.99.
