Lighters come in all shapes and sizes, and many are designed to perform well under very specific conditions. But where can the drunken college student turn when he bets a bunch of his friends that he can light a fart? Is he going to have to take his chances on that bet with a standard issue gas station lighter? Not a chance. What he needs is a lighter with a flame optimized specifically for successful fart combustion. Besides, with more and more people quitting smoking, the companies behind these products need to investigate new sources of revenue. Fart lighting guys…I’m just throwing it out there. I don’t know if this product exists, but it should.
Just accepting whatever odors come your way is just being passive. Take control of all those odors so that you have control of your own environment. This thing says it will move them up to 100 feet away. I would think that would require a much larger fan than included here, but then I am obviously not a part of thier marketing team.
Product Page (($5)
The H.E. Fartsalot Butt Puppet performs “Old MacDonald,” “Frere Jacques,” or “London Bridge,” when you cram your hand into his torso cavity. It is truly the “ultimate wind instrument.”
Product Page (£12.99 or $25)
As you might have guessed, the Fart’n Phone features a farting sound ringer that is sure to “amaze your friends” and “shock your family.” Fortunately, this feature can be turned off when there is company in the house and, more importantly, when dinner is on the table. Plus, it is hearing aid compatible so when ass is being ripped, even Grandpa can answer the call.
Throw in a Fart Clock, and you can really cover your ass (literally) in any embarrassing situation.
Product Page ($34.95)
This “Who Did It?” wall clock farts every hour, on the hour as long as there is light. When the lights are off it will change modes for a flatulence-free evening. I’m a grown man and I still find this to be hilarious. Sad.
Product Page ($29.95)
Yesterday we discussed a product that informs others that you are having sex. Today we present another warning system that alerts anyone nearby that you just hit Taco Bell and, as a result, you are laying down some serious trouser thunder. Actually, the motion activated caution light is intended to embarrass others by flashing and blaring a siren along with one of 8 gross phrases when someone walks by.
Product Page ($11.98)
Besides automatically blowing bubbles from his butt, this Stewie Griffin figure will say 17 phrases from the tv show. Take this gem for instance: ” You should continue to sanitize my crevasse and be grateful for the opportunity.” Now that is a useless toy worth wasting your money on. Speaking of wasting money, the Stewie Griffin football will also fit the bill nicely.
Product Page ($14.39)
