Ahh St. Patrick’s Day. A day where an Irish guy like me can drink and fight and call it “festive.” If you are going to party, you need to come prepared. The following drinking vessels may be weird—but they will certainly get the job done.
hardcore-drinking
Place this pump on your favorite spirit bottle, pull the gun from its holster and fire up a shot. Careful though—alcoholism is no laughing matter. One day you are enjoying the occasional drink with your friends and the next you are sitting alone in your living room chair, raising up the shots gun to your mouth with a quivering hand.
Product Page ($30)
It appears that the folks at Scandalous Inventions are planning to expand on their empire of boobie beer bongs to include a few new objects that will surely get college kids and managers at Spencer’s Gifts giddy with excitement. The “Johnson Juicer” (illustrated by Wolverine here) shoots measured shots out of a dual chambered dong bong. Awesome right? But there is more…oh so much more pictured after the break.
If you are unfamiliar with beer tubes, you should know that it is a simple device that uses gravity to dispense your brew quickly. Fast beer pouring means fast drinking and fast drinking means you will probably have a few scenes missing from the Saturday night feature film rolling in your brain. There are plenty of unique beer tubes out there and a few must-have accessories to go along with them—like this siren lid.
The sirens purpose is twofold—It lets your host know that you need that next tube of beer pronto and it warns the other guys in the room that you are going to be the jackass that they will have to punch before the night is out.
Product Page ($19—beer tubes also avaialble)
Scotland may not be known for its contributions to technology, but as far as drinking gadgets go, this Musical Bagpipe Whiskey Pourer is world class. When placed inside a bottle, the bagpipes will play ‘Scotland the Brave’ as you pour. They even threw in a shot glass as a bonus.
Product Page (£5.95 or $12)
You have two clearly marked options with the Beer Stein Bong. You can sip or you can hit the “speed hole” when getting drunk fast is a priority. Unlike most beer bongs, there is no tube here to guide the drink into your mouth—so if you have man boobs it might be a good idea to pass on this one. Nobody needs that kind of wet t-shirt contest.
Product Page (no pricing available)
Well damn, I was just going to casually sip my beer—but my bottle opener told me to chug it. I must obey.
The Chug a Lug LED bottle opener determines your drinking fate with lights that randomly select your next move after a bottle is opened. It even features a charming “glug glug” sound to egg you on.
Product Page ($2.95—available in a variety of colors)
Until someone decides to make a dedicated toilet pillow, these pass out pillow covers will have to do the job.
Product Page ($26.95)
This oversized Southern Comfort Bottle looks and feels like the real thing, except for the fact that it measures a whopping 19-inches tall. The only problem is that it doesn’t come filled alcohol—but that can be easily remedied. After that just put a nipple on it and go to town.
Product Page ($64.77)
Test your level of sobriety the fun way with the Twist Booz-O-Meter drinking game. Guide the wand around the wiry beer bottle —just be careful not to touch. If your dexterity and hand-eye coordination fail you, the Booz-O-Meter will let out a thunderous crash to inform everyone that you are a drunken failure. Works just like the Alien Frazzle game. Also available in a classic version for lightweights.
Product Page: Twister (£6.95 or $13.75) or Classic (£6.98 or $13.80
