It appears that the folks at Scandalous Inventions are planning to expand on their empire of boobie beer bongs to include a few new objects that will surely get college kids and managers at Spencer’s Gifts giddy with excitement. The “Johnson Juicer” (illustrated by Wolverine here) shoots measured shots out of a dual chambered dong bong. Awesome right? But there is more…oh so much more pictured after the break.
You may never be able to use your penis as a weapon or maintain a 50 to 200 year erection, but Duster D can. These planters are made from scratch, stand 12” tall and also have customizable hair and beard color, clothing, and even tattoos. You can turn Duster D into a stallion with a wang several feet long, or subject him to a life of shame with a pecker that’s less than an inch, all depending on the type of cactus you use. So increase your self-esteem or one-up nature, the choice is yours.
Product Page (From $29.99)
Let’s face it, the Gi-Joes we have idolized over the years as plastic pinnacles of military manliness are actually not affiliated with either gender. Stepping up to Big Joe clears up that confusion by adding one key anatomical ingredient—the flex-action little joe.
Product Page ($20)
We have seen Mr. P use his manhood for a lot of jobs: lamps, wine stoppers, towel holders and the like—but those jobs were fairly risk free. Not so with his gig as a doorstop. The aptly titled “One Man Cry” will keep your door open at the expense of our little friend here. The way I see it Mr. P, if you are going to use your penis for a living it had better be in the porn industry.
Product Page ($20)
It looks as though the Roast My Weenie concept has gotten even more phallic with this Big Boy BBQ Skewer. Plus, you can take great pleasure in telling guests to stand back because you have a big hot weiner and you don’t want to poke anyone’s eyes out.
Product Page (£7.99 or $16)
Fill up your penis-shaped shower caddy with your favorite shampoo and enjoy “8-inches of bathroom pleasure.” Pecker Pert leaves your hair silky and shiny…never sticky!
Product Page (£5.99 or $12)
Most men would probably cringe at the thought of squeezing these balls for stress relief. I mean, just look at the graphic. On the other hand, if you see a woman in your office putting a death grip on one of these—get as far away from that crazy bitch as you can.
Product Page (Pricing information not available)
According to the product page, Phineas Phallus is “a man of wealth and taste.” He also appears to have a very active libido—he thinks about sex every second of the day. Check out the video after the break to see what I mean.
No one can resist the hot, spicy sounds of the nutsack. You will soon be a slave to the rhythm.
Product Page ($5.99)
Did you just hear something? I think there is someone in the house. Let me grab my penis flashlight to check things out……….OMFG! An intruder!
*Boom Chicka Wow Wow*
Product Page ($14.95)
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