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If there is one time you do not want to be disturbed it is when you are finally about to see a little action. Display this door hanger to be sure everyone knows they need to stay out the next time that situation arises. If they don’t get the hint from a distance, they will surely get it when the door hanger plays one of it’s eight sexy alerts when they get too close.
Product Page ($9.99)
If your amorous activities in bed end up in what resembles more of a wrestling match than lovemaking, then maybe you could use a little help. This Karmasheetra is a sheet that gives you numbered positions for your hands, knees, feet and bottoms. That way each person will easily find the optimal position. Each of the various positions has been tested extensively for your maximum kama sutra-like pleasure. The maker of the sheet does not claim that, but I have to make that assumption. Who wouldn’t want to do some testing with it?
Product Page (£19.95, about $40)
For the girl who has everyone, this Pocket Slutometer wil help you keep score. For every conquest you achieve just hit the button. The counter will move up and the built in siren will announce it to the world. You have to appreciate that they give you three decimal places to keep count with. The only defect I find in this product is the fact that it has a reset button. Isn’t that sort of like a born again virgin? All the fun with none of the consequences just isn’t how things work.
Product Page (£6.99 preorder, about $14)
I may not be much of an artist, but I definitely want to be honing my skills with these Chocolate Pens. All I need is a willing partner to act as my canvas for the hours of practice I plan on doing.
Drawing with these pens is a lot of fun, erasing mistakes is even better. And I imagine I will be making a lot of mistakes.
Product Page ($14.20)
The next time your kid has to bring cookies into school, you could send him in with a batch of cookies made with your Kama Sutra Cookie Cutters. While the initial laugh may be amusing for you, all those school visits to talk with the principal afterward will get old. You also may end up explaining this to a court appointed psychologist and having to home school your now expelled child. Maybe you should just save them for a more appropriate time, like when all your wife’s cute friends come over for a visit.
Product Page (£19.95, about $40)
Just a little late to get this for Valentine’s Day, but her birthday must be coming up. If you are tired of giving her boxes of chocolate, how about a box of Flavored Condoms? The box is similar in shape to chocolates but I am sure she will be just so excited when she finds out what the box actually contains. This could be a boon for your late night activities, or a killer if you have misjudged what her reaction would be.
Product Page ($11.68)
If you are going to a formal occasion, why should your condoms not be formal as well? The only FDA approved printed condom available, this thing is not just a novelty. There are times when you want to look your best, and there is no reason why you can’t still be dashing even when your tuxedo lays crumpled at the foot of the bed.
Product Page ($8.99)
They make Trojan Magnums for those endowed like John Holmes. They make regular sizes for most others. But what about those people that need yet a smaller size? These Small Pecker Condoms are for them. These happen to be novelty condoms, but then what are the odds of someone who needs these actually getting any action?
Product Page ($6.90)
Put a man and a woman together with a bottle of wine and you can end up with some pretty crazy scenarios. Maybe not quite to the level of getting their naked, intertwined bodies stuck in the wine bottle, but you can hope things at least get as far as the naked part.
Product Page (£4.99, about $10)
Does this Wind Up Masturbating Monkey doing anything other than whack off? Actually, no. Seems like a pretty common male trait.
Product Page (£2.99, about $6)
